There is no dress code in the Bible and nothing to indicate that Biblically breasts have to be covered *at all.*
We cover our breasts in general in this culture because that is what is culturally appropriate.
However, our culture is seriously messed up when it comes to the
normalcy of breastfeeding. I refuse to be a party to that by covering
up when I nurse. I don't flash it everywhere, but I don't hide either.
Modesty is an issue of the heart and I'm not trying to seduce men when I breastfeed so that argument is irrelevant.
Being a stumbling block refers to *sinning* and encouraging someone else
to sin. Breastfeeding is not a sin so that argument is irrelevant as well.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
My First Post As A Guest Blogger: Shame
I wrote my first post as a guest blogger! It was a post on shame and you can find it at our2crazyboys. It was for a more mainstream audience, so I didn't word things exactly the way I would have here, but the same basic idea comes across.
In writing that post, I felt a twinge of guilt (not shame though, I discuss the difference in that post). I do fairly well with not shaming my kids (though I admit in that post one area where I do fall short), but not so well with not shaming my husband. I don't know why it's so much harder!
I'd love to hear from you about your experiences with shame. Were you shamed as a kid? How does it affect you as an adult? Do you struggle with trying not to shame your kids? Do you find yourself focusing so hard on parenting well, that some of those bad habits manifest in your marriage instead? Comment please!
In writing that post, I felt a twinge of guilt (not shame though, I discuss the difference in that post). I do fairly well with not shaming my kids (though I admit in that post one area where I do fall short), but not so well with not shaming my husband. I don't know why it's so much harder!
I'd love to hear from you about your experiences with shame. Were you shamed as a kid? How does it affect you as an adult? Do you struggle with trying not to shame your kids? Do you find yourself focusing so hard on parenting well, that some of those bad habits manifest in your marriage instead? Comment please!
Friday, December 16, 2011
When did you learn THAT?
On Tuesday, while we were in the car with my mom, E said "Z-O-O spells monkey." I told her that it didn't and she immediately said, "Oh! No! It spells zoo!"
I had no idea where she had picked that up. She tried to explain to me that it was from this electronic game that says the name and sounds of the letters when you push the buttons, but I couldn't remember it saying how to spell any words.
Yesterday, she was talking to someone at the bus stop and said, "Y-O-Y-O spells yoyo." Again, I had no idea where she had picked that up.
Last night, she showed me what she was talking about when she said she got it from this electronic game. Each button has a letter and a picture of something that starts with that letter and the name of the picture. I had never really noticed the names of the pictures, which are in much smaller print than the letters themselves. So this is where she got the spellings of both zoo and yoyo!
The interesting thing is that not all of the pictures are clear. For example, the one that says zoo shows a monkey, which is why she said monkey, but somehow she also knew it was supposed to be representing a zoo. I asked her if she would like to see some other pictures with captions and she said she would, so I'm going to try to find something with simple pictures and captions with them.
I had no idea where she had picked that up. She tried to explain to me that it was from this electronic game that says the name and sounds of the letters when you push the buttons, but I couldn't remember it saying how to spell any words.
Yesterday, she was talking to someone at the bus stop and said, "Y-O-Y-O spells yoyo." Again, I had no idea where she had picked that up.
Last night, she showed me what she was talking about when she said she got it from this electronic game. Each button has a letter and a picture of something that starts with that letter and the name of the picture. I had never really noticed the names of the pictures, which are in much smaller print than the letters themselves. So this is where she got the spellings of both zoo and yoyo!
The interesting thing is that not all of the pictures are clear. For example, the one that says zoo shows a monkey, which is why she said monkey, but somehow she also knew it was supposed to be representing a zoo. I asked her if she would like to see some other pictures with captions and she said she would, so I'm going to try to find something with simple pictures and captions with them.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Radical Tuesdays- Making Plans
Last week a mom on a message board was asking about unschooling. In responding to her post I stumbled on expressing a thought that I wanted to expand on:
You can't plan what someone else will learn.
This is the fundamental flaw with schools and curriculums. The system is set up around a plan that the student will learn X and then Y and then Z all "on time." If the student doesn't, they have "failed." This so-called failure is inevitable because you can't plan what someone else will learn.
Unschoolers recognize this, but sometimes think the answer is to stop planning *anything.* Sometimes they are afraid that if they are planning lots of things, someone might think they aren't really unschooling. Sometimes they are afraid that they are misunderstanding unschooling if they make plans to do things.
Granted, a huge benefit of unschooling and homeschooling in general is the freedom from being held to the school system's arbitrary schedule. Part of unschooling is deschooling yourself and realizing that you don't HAVE TO schedule your kids every waking moment. For unschooling to work, it is necessary to drop the fear that if your kids are happy playing all day that they aren't learning. Because they are!
On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with making plans. I make plans for myself and my kids all the time. The difference between the types of plans I make and the types of plans influenced by schoolish thought or the use of curriculum is that unschoolers shouldn't be making the mistake of thinking they can plan what their kids will learn. It's impossible! It is perfectly ok, however, to make plans of things to do, places to go, people to see and all kinds of things to make life fun, interesting, rich, and to borrow from Sandra Dodd- SPARKLY! You can't plan what someone else will learn, but make life interesting and they WILL learn.
Here are some things I take into consideration when I'm making plans:
1. Motivation. Are you planning a trip to the zoo because your child loves animals or to expose her to something new? Or are you going to use the plaques in front of each exhibit for a "reading lesson" and come back and do a "unit study" on her favorite animal? You can't plan *what* your child will learn from the zoo, but you can plan to take them, enjoy the time with them, and trust that they are learning whether you see it happening or not.
2. Enjoyment. Is this something you think your child might enjoy? Or is it something that all the "good homeschoolers" do? If you have a choice between a Lego Convention and a Science Museum, don't choose the Museum if you know your child loves legos, just because the museum is more "educational." On the other hand, don't scoff at the museum if you think your child will enjoy it just because it looks "schoolish."
3. Cost. If you pay for an annual membership or 3 months of classes and your child doesn't like it, are you going to force them to go to get your money's worth? Or feel resentful if you let them drop out? Either make sure you can gracefully handle their decline or only pay for a little bit at a time.
4. Flexibility. If you make plans to go somewhere, even if you are excited about it, be willing to change your plans if your child isn't interested. On the other hand, I have heard of parents asking their three year old "Do you want to go to the museum?" and then being disappointed that she doesn't want to go so they never try it. She doesn't know what it is that she is declining! A few days ago, we went to the Discovery Museum. My kids have never gone, so I didn't ask if they wanted to go. I told them a few weeks ago that we were going and when. I have mentioned it a few times since then and tried to explain what it is. On the day of the trip I woke them up and said to get ready, we're going. Once we got there, if they had been bored or overwhelmed or not enjoying themselves for any reason, we would have left (or in this case, sat in the car and waited, since my mom was our ride and visiting with her other grandchildren). Part of unschooing is exposing them to new things, but if they aren't enjoying themselves, it's time to be flexible and let it go. Also, my kids know that they can tell me they don't want to do something and I won't make them. They usually go along with what I plan, but last week their grandma was going to take them to do something (still undecided and vague at that point) while I went shopping. E had been sick and said that she didn't want to do anything with grandma except lay on her couch and watch a movie. So I called my mom and let her know, no big deal.
5. Over Scheduling. I have seen some new unschoolers try to match school hours with their activities thinking that all those "educational things" are a substitute for classroom learning. It's ok to make some plans. It's ok to have periods of busyness if everyone is enjoying it. It's also important to have down time and for kids to have lots of time to play, and to deschool to the point that you are no longer comparing what you are doing to school.
6. Personality. Is your child an introvert or extrovert? A trip to the zoo might be more fun with a group for your extrovert. It might be more better for your introvert to go with just the family and take your time and look carefully at every animal.
7. Tune into your kids. Most importantly, figure out what works for *your* kids, not some theoretical child of the same age, not the kids in your homeschool group, not how your child was last year, but your child right now. Some kids need to know about plans way in advance, some don't mind spontaneity. Some like to go somewhere every day, some prefer to stay home most of the time. Some like crafts or reading about a subject, some like videos. Whatever you are doing, rather than worrying about planning what your child is learning, ask yourself is my child having fun and is this making life interesting?
And on the flip side, if you and your kids do fine just waking up in the morning and winging it, that's great! This is addressing the fear that making plans is somehow anti-unschooling, but if you do fine without plans, don't feel like you have to start making them.
Also, if you or your child are still deschooling, maybe don't jump into making a bunch of plans just yet. Let there be plenty of time to recuperate and decompress and then only add in plans if your child is ready and enjoying them.
You can't plan what someone else will learn.
This is the fundamental flaw with schools and curriculums. The system is set up around a plan that the student will learn X and then Y and then Z all "on time." If the student doesn't, they have "failed." This so-called failure is inevitable because you can't plan what someone else will learn.
Unschoolers recognize this, but sometimes think the answer is to stop planning *anything.* Sometimes they are afraid that if they are planning lots of things, someone might think they aren't really unschooling. Sometimes they are afraid that they are misunderstanding unschooling if they make plans to do things.
Granted, a huge benefit of unschooling and homeschooling in general is the freedom from being held to the school system's arbitrary schedule. Part of unschooling is deschooling yourself and realizing that you don't HAVE TO schedule your kids every waking moment. For unschooling to work, it is necessary to drop the fear that if your kids are happy playing all day that they aren't learning. Because they are!
On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with making plans. I make plans for myself and my kids all the time. The difference between the types of plans I make and the types of plans influenced by schoolish thought or the use of curriculum is that unschoolers shouldn't be making the mistake of thinking they can plan what their kids will learn. It's impossible! It is perfectly ok, however, to make plans of things to do, places to go, people to see and all kinds of things to make life fun, interesting, rich, and to borrow from Sandra Dodd- SPARKLY! You can't plan what someone else will learn, but make life interesting and they WILL learn.
Here are some things I take into consideration when I'm making plans:
1. Motivation. Are you planning a trip to the zoo because your child loves animals or to expose her to something new? Or are you going to use the plaques in front of each exhibit for a "reading lesson" and come back and do a "unit study" on her favorite animal? You can't plan *what* your child will learn from the zoo, but you can plan to take them, enjoy the time with them, and trust that they are learning whether you see it happening or not.
2. Enjoyment. Is this something you think your child might enjoy? Or is it something that all the "good homeschoolers" do? If you have a choice between a Lego Convention and a Science Museum, don't choose the Museum if you know your child loves legos, just because the museum is more "educational." On the other hand, don't scoff at the museum if you think your child will enjoy it just because it looks "schoolish."
3. Cost. If you pay for an annual membership or 3 months of classes and your child doesn't like it, are you going to force them to go to get your money's worth? Or feel resentful if you let them drop out? Either make sure you can gracefully handle their decline or only pay for a little bit at a time.
4. Flexibility. If you make plans to go somewhere, even if you are excited about it, be willing to change your plans if your child isn't interested. On the other hand, I have heard of parents asking their three year old "Do you want to go to the museum?" and then being disappointed that she doesn't want to go so they never try it. She doesn't know what it is that she is declining! A few days ago, we went to the Discovery Museum. My kids have never gone, so I didn't ask if they wanted to go. I told them a few weeks ago that we were going and when. I have mentioned it a few times since then and tried to explain what it is. On the day of the trip I woke them up and said to get ready, we're going. Once we got there, if they had been bored or overwhelmed or not enjoying themselves for any reason, we would have left (or in this case, sat in the car and waited, since my mom was our ride and visiting with her other grandchildren). Part of unschooing is exposing them to new things, but if they aren't enjoying themselves, it's time to be flexible and let it go. Also, my kids know that they can tell me they don't want to do something and I won't make them. They usually go along with what I plan, but last week their grandma was going to take them to do something (still undecided and vague at that point) while I went shopping. E had been sick and said that she didn't want to do anything with grandma except lay on her couch and watch a movie. So I called my mom and let her know, no big deal.
5. Over Scheduling. I have seen some new unschoolers try to match school hours with their activities thinking that all those "educational things" are a substitute for classroom learning. It's ok to make some plans. It's ok to have periods of busyness if everyone is enjoying it. It's also important to have down time and for kids to have lots of time to play, and to deschool to the point that you are no longer comparing what you are doing to school.
6. Personality. Is your child an introvert or extrovert? A trip to the zoo might be more fun with a group for your extrovert. It might be more better for your introvert to go with just the family and take your time and look carefully at every animal.
7. Tune into your kids. Most importantly, figure out what works for *your* kids, not some theoretical child of the same age, not the kids in your homeschool group, not how your child was last year, but your child right now. Some kids need to know about plans way in advance, some don't mind spontaneity. Some like to go somewhere every day, some prefer to stay home most of the time. Some like crafts or reading about a subject, some like videos. Whatever you are doing, rather than worrying about planning what your child is learning, ask yourself is my child having fun and is this making life interesting?
And on the flip side, if you and your kids do fine just waking up in the morning and winging it, that's great! This is addressing the fear that making plans is somehow anti-unschooling, but if you do fine without plans, don't feel like you have to start making them.
Also, if you or your child are still deschooling, maybe don't jump into making a bunch of plans just yet. Let there be plenty of time to recuperate and decompress and then only add in plans if your child is ready and enjoying them.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Inspiration Sunday- Enjoying Each Age
In the last 24 hours I have said to D:
"I want a one year old in the house forever!"
"Three is the best age! She is hilarious!"
"I was told six was a really hard age, but I'm seeing lots of maturity and so far it has not been hard at all."
Yes, I'm really enjoying my kids right now.
One year olds are just adorable. I think it's God's little conspiracy to make sure they get loved on even when we are frazzled and tired. Z screams, poops a lot, runs away during diaper changes, throws food on the floor, eats paper, climbs on the table, eats things out of the trash, and is 18 pounds of destruction and chaos. But she makes this squishy face that cracks me up even though she won't let me get it on camera, she toddles around taking herself quite seriously, she kisses and hugs us all, she makes little squeaking sounds when she nurses, and she puts her head on the floor like she's going to do a somersault, but ends up walking around with her head scootching across the carpet. And people who get mad about babies wiggling during diaper changes have no idea what they are missing. I take her pants off, she runs away. She laughs and comes back. I take her diaper off, she runs away again, naked little butt mooning the world. She laughs and comes back and I raspberry her tummy. I put the new diaper on and she runs away again. Act of utter defiance or fun bonding time? You are the parent, you get to decide how you respond.
Three year olds are God's gift to the humorously challenged. I can't stand potty humor in most cases- give me some good sarcastic wit. But L talking about farting can leave me in stitches. For example, my recent facebook status:
L just came into the room laughing and said "I farted!" I said, "That's fascinating, my dear." She answered, "Yah! It's not stinky, it's funny! Now I need hot chocolate because inside my body is cold." Apparently, farting cools off the insides.
Today, she looked at me with the most serious expression, furrowed her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side. "What are you doing?" she asked. It was if the answer would help her unlock the mystery of my parental super powers, the unsolvable riddle of "How did you know THAT [E and I got chocolate, but you couldn't see us]?"
Six year olds are God's gift to parents of younger children. Parenting three is actually easier in some ways than parenting one was. E plays with L all day, helps keep Z off the table and out of the cupboards, brings me diapers, and makes sure the tub gets drained after baths. She is trustworthy and responsible for her age. She loves being the big kid who gets to stay up after her sisters fall asleep to eat ice cream with mom and dad, and gets to go outside to play with the neighborhood kids by herself. She is getting more and more interesting to talk to, though we've always had great conversations, but they are just getting better as she gets older. I need to remember to do less talking and more listening, because I want to soak up her perspective before it gets tainted by all the realities of the world.
What ages are your kids and what are you enjoying about them right now?
"I want a one year old in the house forever!"
"Three is the best age! She is hilarious!"
"I was told six was a really hard age, but I'm seeing lots of maturity and so far it has not been hard at all."
Yes, I'm really enjoying my kids right now.
One year olds are just adorable. I think it's God's little conspiracy to make sure they get loved on even when we are frazzled and tired. Z screams, poops a lot, runs away during diaper changes, throws food on the floor, eats paper, climbs on the table, eats things out of the trash, and is 18 pounds of destruction and chaos. But she makes this squishy face that cracks me up even though she won't let me get it on camera, she toddles around taking herself quite seriously, she kisses and hugs us all, she makes little squeaking sounds when she nurses, and she puts her head on the floor like she's going to do a somersault, but ends up walking around with her head scootching across the carpet. And people who get mad about babies wiggling during diaper changes have no idea what they are missing. I take her pants off, she runs away. She laughs and comes back. I take her diaper off, she runs away again, naked little butt mooning the world. She laughs and comes back and I raspberry her tummy. I put the new diaper on and she runs away again. Act of utter defiance or fun bonding time? You are the parent, you get to decide how you respond.
Three year olds are God's gift to the humorously challenged. I can't stand potty humor in most cases- give me some good sarcastic wit. But L talking about farting can leave me in stitches. For example, my recent facebook status:
L just came into the room laughing and said "I farted!" I said, "That's fascinating, my dear." She answered, "Yah! It's not stinky, it's funny! Now I need hot chocolate because inside my body is cold." Apparently, farting cools off the insides.
Today, she looked at me with the most serious expression, furrowed her eyebrows and cocked her head to the side. "What are you doing?" she asked. It was if the answer would help her unlock the mystery of my parental super powers, the unsolvable riddle of "How did you know THAT [E and I got chocolate, but you couldn't see us]?"
Six year olds are God's gift to parents of younger children. Parenting three is actually easier in some ways than parenting one was. E plays with L all day, helps keep Z off the table and out of the cupboards, brings me diapers, and makes sure the tub gets drained after baths. She is trustworthy and responsible for her age. She loves being the big kid who gets to stay up after her sisters fall asleep to eat ice cream with mom and dad, and gets to go outside to play with the neighborhood kids by herself. She is getting more and more interesting to talk to, though we've always had great conversations, but they are just getting better as she gets older. I need to remember to do less talking and more listening, because I want to soak up her perspective before it gets tainted by all the realities of the world.
What ages are your kids and what are you enjoying about them right now?
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Radical Tuesday- Posted UnRules (Solutions!)
I know some families post the "rules of the house" so that everything is known and consistent for the kids. I have never considered doing this because we don't have 100% set in stone rules in our house. We have "keep messy food out of the bedrooms because of the potential for ants" and "you can jump on the couch, but don't climb on the back because it's starting to rip" and "PLEASE for the LOVE of ALL that is GOOD- put your towel in the bathroom when you are done with it." But, those would be awfully long to write out and post on the wall. And they are flexible!
I have, however, borrowed from this idea of posting rules and I have sometimes posted solutions. I may have posted (or maybe just thought about it) a while back about the reminder note that I wrote for the girls to bring their apples back into the kitchen. They wanted to take apples in their bedroom, and we were fighting ants all summer so my first reaction was NO! Then we talked about it and I told them my concern that the half eaten apples would get left in the bedroom. They promised not to leave them. I said we would need to come up with something to help them remember, rather than just relying on their memories.
I ended up writing a note that said "Bring your apples back in the kitchen" and posting it on their bedroom door.
They can't read, of course, but they knew what it said. They were part of the solution and understood the terrible ant problem (well, this was mostly E, but she helped L) and just seeing the paper on the door helped them remember.
More recently, they have been leaving their towels on the floor in the living room and bedrooms after they dry off after a bath.
They take *at least* three baths a day just for fun, so I was picking up and reminding them to pick up a lot of towels. They are both usually pretty happy to put their own towel back when I reminded them, but one day E did NOT want to put it back. I told her that I was tired of picking up the towels and reminding them to do it, and that it seemed like she was tired of putting her towel away too, so we needed to figure out something that would work better. She agreed, but didn't have any ideas. So I said that when I take a shower, I dry off in the bathroom and then put the towel away right away. So I NEVER have to pick up my towel off the floor! I suggested putting a note in the bathroom so they would remember to leave their towels in there. They agreed, I posted a note that says "Leave Towels In The Bathroom" and there has not been a single towel on the floor for well over a week. To top it off, they are SO EXCITED that they remember to put their towels away and come running out of the bathroom saying "Mom, look! No towel!"
My husband recently had an idea to make his "honey do" list more appealing.
He is a Type 1 according to It's Just My Nature
, which means he is fun loving and random, so this is the kind of thing that makes his life interesting, and makes me and my Type 4ness scratch my head, but hey, whatever works! The kids have this spinner from some old game that has the numbers 1 through 6. So he told me to make him a list of the 6 projects I want him to get done this week and number them. Every day he spins the spinner and does the job associated with the number on which the spinner lands.
The kids thought this was so cool!
So E asked me to make her a list of jobs to do too. I thought of six things the girls can (and sometimes already did) help with: wash the table and counter, take out the trash, wash the front of the fridge and stove, put away their own laundry, vacuum and make a meal. E is so excited to spin it every day and do her "job" (sometimes more than one) and L goes along for the ride and helps.
I have, however, borrowed from this idea of posting rules and I have sometimes posted solutions. I may have posted (or maybe just thought about it) a while back about the reminder note that I wrote for the girls to bring their apples back into the kitchen. They wanted to take apples in their bedroom, and we were fighting ants all summer so my first reaction was NO! Then we talked about it and I told them my concern that the half eaten apples would get left in the bedroom. They promised not to leave them. I said we would need to come up with something to help them remember, rather than just relying on their memories.
I ended up writing a note that said "Bring your apples back in the kitchen" and posting it on their bedroom door.
They can't read, of course, but they knew what it said. They were part of the solution and understood the terrible ant problem (well, this was mostly E, but she helped L) and just seeing the paper on the door helped them remember.
More recently, they have been leaving their towels on the floor in the living room and bedrooms after they dry off after a bath.
They take *at least* three baths a day just for fun, so I was picking up and reminding them to pick up a lot of towels. They are both usually pretty happy to put their own towel back when I reminded them, but one day E did NOT want to put it back. I told her that I was tired of picking up the towels and reminding them to do it, and that it seemed like she was tired of putting her towel away too, so we needed to figure out something that would work better. She agreed, but didn't have any ideas. So I said that when I take a shower, I dry off in the bathroom and then put the towel away right away. So I NEVER have to pick up my towel off the floor! I suggested putting a note in the bathroom so they would remember to leave their towels in there. They agreed, I posted a note that says "Leave Towels In The Bathroom" and there has not been a single towel on the floor for well over a week. To top it off, they are SO EXCITED that they remember to put their towels away and come running out of the bathroom saying "Mom, look! No towel!"
My husband recently had an idea to make his "honey do" list more appealing.
He is a Type 1 according to It's Just My Nature
, which means he is fun loving and random, so this is the kind of thing that makes his life interesting, and makes me and my Type 4ness scratch my head, but hey, whatever works! The kids have this spinner from some old game that has the numbers 1 through 6. So he told me to make him a list of the 6 projects I want him to get done this week and number them. Every day he spins the spinner and does the job associated with the number on which the spinner lands. The kids thought this was so cool!
So E asked me to make her a list of jobs to do too. I thought of six things the girls can (and sometimes already did) help with: wash the table and counter, take out the trash, wash the front of the fridge and stove, put away their own laundry, vacuum and make a meal. E is so excited to spin it every day and do her "job" (sometimes more than one) and L goes along for the ride and helps.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Z is in a Big Hurry to Get Big!
I remember having to lay the chairs on their sides to prevent table dancing with the other two kids, but not this young! She will be 11 months in a few days. Yesterday, she climbed to the second rung of the bunk bed ladder and would have kept going if I didn't stop her. A few days ago, she brought a toy drum over next to a five gallon bucket, so she could use the drum as a step to get onto the bucket. As long as she doesn't start jumping off everything like her sisters do!
It really is true though that they are often capable of so much more than we give them credit for. I have found with all three of mine that by my taking their little dare devil stunts in stride, they are actually quite safe, because they learn quickly what their bodies are capable of. They are confident, strong and agile, and this keeps them much safer than parental helicoptering ever could.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Inevitable Mondays- Strewing Games
Yesterday when I organized their games, I pulled out some things they had not seen for a long time including a big bucket full of plastic and foam letters. They spent a lot of time playing with them today- stacking them in piles, spreading them all over the table, pretending they were pancakes and trying to spell words. At one point, E asked me how to spell "whispers," and after she was done putting all the letters together she tried to sound it out. She insisted that the R and the S on the end needed to be reversed. We went back and forth for a few minutes- in a relaxed, playful way, not arguing- and then I let it go. She was wrong of course, but that's not important right now. She was really working through sounding out the letters and trying to place them the way she was hearing them. That's an important part of learning to read! L was having fun naming the letter and number "pancakes." ("I want a S pancake! Now a blue one!")
Pulling out the games was one more step in the most recent ebb (or flow?) of this ebbing and flowing life. For the last few weeks, we've been settling in to new routines for the winter. The girls had been taking dance and gymnastics classes, but since we are without a car, it is now to cold to walk. All summer they played outside in our yard for hours every day, but now they stay inside more. So I've been working on finding more indoor things to do. Now that the games are organized I can see clearly what we need to get for Hanukkah gifts. I'm also going to get them some art supplies and E might be getting a trampoline for her birthday. I went searching for online games for them to play and found this list of the Top 10. Ignore the intro- it's a totally mainstream "get your kid to learn by making it fun!" kind of thing. Maybe I'll post reviews of the games once the girls start playing them more
.
Pulling out the games was one more step in the most recent ebb (or flow?) of this ebbing and flowing life. For the last few weeks, we've been settling in to new routines for the winter. The girls had been taking dance and gymnastics classes, but since we are without a car, it is now to cold to walk. All summer they played outside in our yard for hours every day, but now they stay inside more. So I've been working on finding more indoor things to do. Now that the games are organized I can see clearly what we need to get for Hanukkah gifts. I'm also going to get them some art supplies and E might be getting a trampoline for her birthday. I went searching for online games for them to play and found this list of the Top 10. Ignore the intro- it's a totally mainstream "get your kid to learn by making it fun!" kind of thing. Maybe I'll post reviews of the games once the girls start playing them more
.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Can Radical Unschoolers Have a Schedule? Part 2
How does my schedule work with radical unschooling?
I'm organizing MY day, not theirs. If they are happy playing with each other, it is irrelevant to them whether I do dishes first or make phone calls first, whether I play on the computer or get something accomplished. We are in a stage right now where my activities and my children's activities are often separate, but side by side. We frequently intersect with each other, but I don't need to revolve all of my activities around them and I don't need to control their activities in order to get mine accomplished. I am honestly surprised to be in this place with my children still so young, and it feels almost taboo to say such a thing in some attachment parenting circles, but truly my day does not revolve around my kids, nor does their day revolve around me.
I'm flexible. Here is how today worked out. After my little morning routine, I wanted to get the house straightened up since I don't do any cleaning on Shabbot it was messy from yesterday. I started on dishes, but then E was asking about hearts and wanted to look up some videos. So I stopped cleaning and we watched an open heart surgery. Then I found the girls some vidoes with songs about the skeletal system and while they watched, I went back to cleaning. My plan was to work on my business plan next, but D put a movie on the computer for them so I couldn't use it. So I basically just flip flopped my morning plan with my afternoon plan and worked on organizing their games and making some phone calls. Then my afternoon was thrown off because someone came to look at a trailer we are selling and that took an hour. It was good though, because the girls and I needed the fresh air and that got us outside. Then my mom took the girls on a date to a movie and D and I decided to take advantage of it and watch our own movie at home, which I usually never do during the day. I didn't start working on my business plan until after five o'clock, but I managed to get in more than the 2 hours I was originally planning while D made dinner and put a movie on for the girls before bed.
Usually my days go closer to the plan than today did, but my goal is not for my day to fit my perfect plan. My goal is to 1) move through my day with purpose, getting *something* accomplished and 2) keeping my kids my priority and being available for them as much as they need me. No mater what I am doing or have planned, if the baby needs to nurse, I nurse her. If the kids are hungry for lunch, I make lunch. If the kids need me, I drop what I am doing, whether it's to help them resolve a conflict or because one wants to snuggle or if a interest comes up that we can explore further. I have noticed that because I do have a plan in place that includes time for the kids and is flexible, I don't get stressed out that I won't get things accomplished when I stop to spend time with them.
Maybe that does sound like it revolves around them, but what I mean is that *right now* I do not have the often bemoaned stay-at-home mom dilemma of feeling like I need to entertain my kids all day long. E and L spend large chunks of the day playing together, and Z either follows them around or hangs out in the carrier on my back while I work. Throughout the day I will check on how they are doing, or they will come show me something and we'll talk for a minute, or they will help me with something and then run off to play again, or we will read a book or snuggle with a movie. But I am not moving them through *their* days. It feels very The Continuum Concept
-ish and it is really nice.
I have actually discovered that I feel more relaxed and I have less anxiety since I have embraced living like a type 4. I also noticed (and this will be a shock to my family of origin) that I don't like messes. Really. They set me on edge. I always had a messy room as a kid, and I have never been the greatest housekeeper and I never realized how much it bugged me. I was too overwhelmed and I didn't have the skills to keep up on it, so I was simultaneously used to living that way and irritated by it. I'm still far from a neat freak, mostly because I have little kids and I have to set priorities with my time, and following my kids around and cleaning all day is not one of them. BUT I have also made it a priority to own less clutter, to set aside daily cleaning times, and to have things picked up at least 5 nights a week and do a more thorough cleaning job once a week. Also, if I noticed that I am feeling irritable for no apparent reason, I can now pinpoint when I am feeling that way because of the clutter around me, and instead of taking it out on my family, I can channel it into doing a quick 10 minute clean up time.
I'm organizing MY day, not theirs. If they are happy playing with each other, it is irrelevant to them whether I do dishes first or make phone calls first, whether I play on the computer or get something accomplished. We are in a stage right now where my activities and my children's activities are often separate, but side by side. We frequently intersect with each other, but I don't need to revolve all of my activities around them and I don't need to control their activities in order to get mine accomplished. I am honestly surprised to be in this place with my children still so young, and it feels almost taboo to say such a thing in some attachment parenting circles, but truly my day does not revolve around my kids, nor does their day revolve around me.
I'm flexible. Here is how today worked out. After my little morning routine, I wanted to get the house straightened up since I don't do any cleaning on Shabbot it was messy from yesterday. I started on dishes, but then E was asking about hearts and wanted to look up some videos. So I stopped cleaning and we watched an open heart surgery. Then I found the girls some vidoes with songs about the skeletal system and while they watched, I went back to cleaning. My plan was to work on my business plan next, but D put a movie on the computer for them so I couldn't use it. So I basically just flip flopped my morning plan with my afternoon plan and worked on organizing their games and making some phone calls. Then my afternoon was thrown off because someone came to look at a trailer we are selling and that took an hour. It was good though, because the girls and I needed the fresh air and that got us outside. Then my mom took the girls on a date to a movie and D and I decided to take advantage of it and watch our own movie at home, which I usually never do during the day. I didn't start working on my business plan until after five o'clock, but I managed to get in more than the 2 hours I was originally planning while D made dinner and put a movie on for the girls before bed.
Usually my days go closer to the plan than today did, but my goal is not for my day to fit my perfect plan. My goal is to 1) move through my day with purpose, getting *something* accomplished and 2) keeping my kids my priority and being available for them as much as they need me. No mater what I am doing or have planned, if the baby needs to nurse, I nurse her. If the kids are hungry for lunch, I make lunch. If the kids need me, I drop what I am doing, whether it's to help them resolve a conflict or because one wants to snuggle or if a interest comes up that we can explore further. I have noticed that because I do have a plan in place that includes time for the kids and is flexible, I don't get stressed out that I won't get things accomplished when I stop to spend time with them.
Maybe that does sound like it revolves around them, but what I mean is that *right now* I do not have the often bemoaned stay-at-home mom dilemma of feeling like I need to entertain my kids all day long. E and L spend large chunks of the day playing together, and Z either follows them around or hangs out in the carrier on my back while I work. Throughout the day I will check on how they are doing, or they will come show me something and we'll talk for a minute, or they will help me with something and then run off to play again, or we will read a book or snuggle with a movie. But I am not moving them through *their* days. It feels very The Continuum Concept
-ish and it is really nice. I have actually discovered that I feel more relaxed and I have less anxiety since I have embraced living like a type 4. I also noticed (and this will be a shock to my family of origin) that I don't like messes. Really. They set me on edge. I always had a messy room as a kid, and I have never been the greatest housekeeper and I never realized how much it bugged me. I was too overwhelmed and I didn't have the skills to keep up on it, so I was simultaneously used to living that way and irritated by it. I'm still far from a neat freak, mostly because I have little kids and I have to set priorities with my time, and following my kids around and cleaning all day is not one of them. BUT I have also made it a priority to own less clutter, to set aside daily cleaning times, and to have things picked up at least 5 nights a week and do a more thorough cleaning job once a week. Also, if I noticed that I am feeling irritable for no apparent reason, I can now pinpoint when I am feeling that way because of the clutter around me, and instead of taking it out on my family, I can channel it into doing a quick 10 minute clean up time.
My Schedule: Moving through my Days With Purpose Part One
For years I have avoided using any kind of schedule. As a teenager, I managed to go to high school, take college classes and work by flying by the seat of my pants. I procrastinated, crammed, stayed up late, went to school in my pajamas, got detention for being late to first period almost daily, usually missed breakfast, and spent lunch breaks doing homework for the class immediately after. I also graduated high school, got an associates degree, and was promoted at work (and never late there) before I turned 18. The teacher who frequently gave me detention for being late, also gave me a B in that AP English class. So.... it worked.
Since I have had kids, I have been a "loose routine" sort of mom. We sleep when we are tired and eat when we are hungry, but have had a loose routine based on time-oriented things that are a part of our lives. When I was managing apartments, there was certain work that had to be done on certain days. I had to be up and dressed, ready to be in the office by a reasonable time in the morning. Loose weekly routines have revolved around dance or yoga classes, library story times and home school play days.
I have slowly gotten more structured over the last few years. A few years ago, I started making 5 year plans that detail the things I want to learn/accomplish/do in the next 5 years in my personal development, finances, spirituality, business, and health.. I update it every year. Then I review it monthly and determine what I can do *this* month to work on those goals. Then I plan my week every Saturday night and add in the smaller steps that will help me accomplish that month's goals.
Each individual day, however, has looked different from every other day and as long as I was getting my "to do" list done, I thought I was happy with that (but often I would get a LOT done one day and be cranky about it, and nothing done the next day and be cranky about that). For the kids, I have on occasion used a magnetic picture calendar just so they can see what is coming next. I used it in such a way that they have input on what we were doing that day and it could change if their wishes changed, but it would give them a visual of what the day would look like. I have not used it for the last year, however, and they don't seem to miss it. We talk about our plans for the day and have a loose routine and that seems to be sufficient. I have noticed that they like to have at least one "set-in-stone" preferably out of the house, thing to do each day- park, library, shopping, friend's house.
So, why have I embraced more structure recently? I read a book called It's Just My Nature!
, which is an energy profiling system, similar to a personality typing system, but oh so much more! At first I thought I was a type 3, but I soon started waffling between thinking I was a type 3 and a type 4. I have finally decided that I am a type 4, with a strong secondary type 3, and I have lived as a type 3 for most of my life. The more I embraced the calm, still qualities of being a type 4, the more I realized that I feel better when I am moving in a linear direction, with a plan.
I hit upon a phrase that really struck a chord with what I was desiring- Moving through my days with purpose. I have finally found a system that works *for me* and true to my type 4 nature, it could not be a system that anyone else designed. I have a big 18 month binder style calendar. I put my to-do list on the spaces for each day. Every morning I get a fresh piece of notebook paper and make my schedule for the day. Every day starts out the same with breakfast, taking my calcium magnesium, planning my day and spending some time alone in prayer and reading my Bible. Beyond that, each day still looks different from the next and I like that variety, but I have some direction, written down for what I want to accomplish before lunch and then what I want to accomplish before dinner. I don't schedule it down to the hour, but depending on the day in 2-4 hour chunks. I throw the paper away at the end of the day, so all that is left on the semi-permanent record of my calendar is my crossed off to-do list. This works much better for me than writing down every detail on the calendar (a bit of perfectionism in me would cause me to develop a nervous twitch if I wrote down "laundry" on every day and missed it twice a week) and it works better than grabbing a random piece of paper to write down today's to-do list, but not having anywhere set and permanent to write down what I need to do next week and thus forget and/or procrastinate.
Since I have had kids, I have been a "loose routine" sort of mom. We sleep when we are tired and eat when we are hungry, but have had a loose routine based on time-oriented things that are a part of our lives. When I was managing apartments, there was certain work that had to be done on certain days. I had to be up and dressed, ready to be in the office by a reasonable time in the morning. Loose weekly routines have revolved around dance or yoga classes, library story times and home school play days.
I have slowly gotten more structured over the last few years. A few years ago, I started making 5 year plans that detail the things I want to learn/accomplish/do in the next 5 years in my personal development, finances, spirituality, business, and health.. I update it every year. Then I review it monthly and determine what I can do *this* month to work on those goals. Then I plan my week every Saturday night and add in the smaller steps that will help me accomplish that month's goals.
Each individual day, however, has looked different from every other day and as long as I was getting my "to do" list done, I thought I was happy with that (but often I would get a LOT done one day and be cranky about it, and nothing done the next day and be cranky about that). For the kids, I have on occasion used a magnetic picture calendar just so they can see what is coming next. I used it in such a way that they have input on what we were doing that day and it could change if their wishes changed, but it would give them a visual of what the day would look like. I have not used it for the last year, however, and they don't seem to miss it. We talk about our plans for the day and have a loose routine and that seems to be sufficient. I have noticed that they like to have at least one "set-in-stone" preferably out of the house, thing to do each day- park, library, shopping, friend's house.
So, why have I embraced more structure recently? I read a book called It's Just My Nature!
, which is an energy profiling system, similar to a personality typing system, but oh so much more! At first I thought I was a type 3, but I soon started waffling between thinking I was a type 3 and a type 4. I have finally decided that I am a type 4, with a strong secondary type 3, and I have lived as a type 3 for most of my life. The more I embraced the calm, still qualities of being a type 4, the more I realized that I feel better when I am moving in a linear direction, with a plan.I hit upon a phrase that really struck a chord with what I was desiring- Moving through my days with purpose. I have finally found a system that works *for me* and true to my type 4 nature, it could not be a system that anyone else designed. I have a big 18 month binder style calendar. I put my to-do list on the spaces for each day. Every morning I get a fresh piece of notebook paper and make my schedule for the day. Every day starts out the same with breakfast, taking my calcium magnesium, planning my day and spending some time alone in prayer and reading my Bible. Beyond that, each day still looks different from the next and I like that variety, but I have some direction, written down for what I want to accomplish before lunch and then what I want to accomplish before dinner. I don't schedule it down to the hour, but depending on the day in 2-4 hour chunks. I throw the paper away at the end of the day, so all that is left on the semi-permanent record of my calendar is my crossed off to-do list. This works much better for me than writing down every detail on the calendar (a bit of perfectionism in me would cause me to develop a nervous twitch if I wrote down "laundry" on every day and missed it twice a week) and it works better than grabbing a random piece of paper to write down today's to-do list, but not having anywhere set and permanent to write down what I need to do next week and thus forget and/or procrastinate.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Inevitable Monday- Uno
Last night we all walked to the store to get a movie from redbox, but the magnetic strip on my debit card is all worn out and it wouldn't work. So, we decided to buy a new game and picked up Uno. We played a few times last night and the first thing the girls wanted to do this morning was to play again.
E mostly gets the concept, but needs a little help. L is happy just to be playing and have her own cards. Both are learning from playing the game. Colors, numbers, taking turns, being team mates, strategy, matching and more.
E mostly gets the concept, but needs a little help. L is happy just to be playing and have her own cards. Both are learning from playing the game. Colors, numbers, taking turns, being team mates, strategy, matching and more.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Perspective Thursday- An Interview
What's your favorite thing to play?
Dress Up
What is your favorite, dance or gymnastics?
Everything in dance and gymnastics.
What do you want to be when you grow up
A firefighter
What do you think about homeschooling?
Homeschooling is fun!
What do you think about your new bunk bed?
It's fun! We flip and hang on the bars and go woop!
What is something you learned recently?
How to flip. (E)
How to do a back somersault. (L)
What do you think about baby Z?
She's funny and she ouches me a lot, but I still love her.
Who cooks better food, mommy or daddy?
Oh, Daddy! Daddy's a great chef!
What is your favorite book?
Books about bones.
What are you excited about?
Daddy's birthday!
What are you sad about?
I miss my friend Y. (E)
What else do you want to tell me?
I like princess blankets!
L wasn't very interested in answering, so most of these answers are E's.
Dress Up
What is your favorite, dance or gymnastics?
Everything in dance and gymnastics.
What do you want to be when you grow up
A firefighter
What do you think about homeschooling?
Homeschooling is fun!
What do you think about your new bunk bed?
It's fun! We flip and hang on the bars and go woop!
What is something you learned recently?
How to flip. (E)
How to do a back somersault. (L)
What do you think about baby Z?
She's funny and she ouches me a lot, but I still love her.
Who cooks better food, mommy or daddy?
Oh, Daddy! Daddy's a great chef!
What is your favorite book?
Books about bones.
What are you excited about?
Daddy's birthday!
What are you sad about?
I miss my friend Y. (E)
What else do you want to tell me?
I like princess blankets!
L wasn't very interested in answering, so most of these answers are E's.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Radical Tuesdays- Curriculum
The next time someone asks me what curriculum we use, I'm going to say youtube. I usually say "real life," which is true, but so often things come up that would be very difficult to take my kids to see or experience. Some things, like the tornadoes we just watched, I wouldn't want them to experience too closely! Youtube lets us see those things that other real people have really seen and video taped. I love books, I even enjoyed workbooks as a kid. My kids like the occasional math or reading workbook or coloring books that are designed to "teach" colors and shapes. However, there is something much more REAL about seeing something someone else has seen. It lack some aspects of the real life experience, but it is WAY better in other ways than reading about something in a book.
Inevitable Monday- Tornadoes
On our walk to the bus stop, E saw some leaves swirling around in the air. I said, "That's like a little tornado!" Of course the girls wanted to know what a tornado is, and I reminded them of Wizard of Oz and how Dorthy got caught up in a tornado.
The rest of the walk, we were running away from the tornado! We had to hurry to get away before the tornado got us. "Let's go hide somewhere safe!" the girls yelled. "We need a storm cellar!" I said.
"What's a storm cellar?" they asked. I compared it to their grandma's basement, but told them that her basement has one side open to the outside, because she lives on a hill. People who live in places where there are real tornadoes often have basements that are completely underground. They hide in their storm cellars so that if the tornado picks up their house and carries it away, they will be safe.
"What places have real tornadoes?" they asked. I told them that there are tornadoes in the mid-west, but that didn't have much of a reference point for them. Since we got home I showed them the mid west on the globe and we watch some youtube videos of tornadoes.
Tornadoes led to whirlpools.
What topics came up at your house today? What connections happened?
The rest of the walk, we were running away from the tornado! We had to hurry to get away before the tornado got us. "Let's go hide somewhere safe!" the girls yelled. "We need a storm cellar!" I said.
"What's a storm cellar?" they asked. I compared it to their grandma's basement, but told them that her basement has one side open to the outside, because she lives on a hill. People who live in places where there are real tornadoes often have basements that are completely underground. They hide in their storm cellars so that if the tornado picks up their house and carries it away, they will be safe.
"What places have real tornadoes?" they asked. I told them that there are tornadoes in the mid-west, but that didn't have much of a reference point for them. Since we got home I showed them the mid west on the globe and we watch some youtube videos of tornadoes.
Tornadoes led to whirlpools.
What topics came up at your house today? What connections happened?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)