Saturday, February 28, 2009

She's a Doctor

Ezabella told me that she's a doctor, so she needs her hammer to fix the tv. :)

Monday, February 23, 2009


L is playing peek-a-boo with us, and she's doing the hiding and popping out. It's so cute! We've been doing it with her for a while and she'd laugh when we pop out. Tonight was the first time she pulled the blanket over her head, and then pulled it down and waited for us to laugh. She did it over and over, so I know it wasn't a fluke. She'd even hold it on her head long enough for us to say "Where's Liliana?" and then she'd pull it down.

I wish I could have gotten a video of it, but my camera is broken. GGGGRRRRR! I wanted a new one anyway, but now I have to get one soon.

Tandem Nursing Again

The saga continues.....

I weaned E at just over 2 years old. I was a few months pregnant, my nipples really hurt, and I didn't want to tandem nurse when the baby was born. It was a really hard day or two full of her screaming and crying "I WANT TO NURSE!" It was so sad! But after a few days she was ok. She would ask now and then, but it wasn't so bad when I said no. After 5 months, I thought she had forgotten all about it, but then she asked to nurse one day out of the blue.

It was a few weeks before L was born, my boobs weren't so sore, and I was ok with the idea of tandem nursing, so I said yes. I was also regretting weaning E, because she was still so little. So she nursed for a few weeks before L was born and a few months after. It really helped with the transition to the new baby. They nursed together and held hands and it was so sweet!

But it was also hard. I was really stressed out about unemployment and moving and finances. I started to get touched out, and E was driving me up the wall with her grabby hands. I limited nursing to nap time and night time, so she'd say that she was tired and wanted a nap, just to nurse. I got resentful and angry. Finally, I felt like nursing was hurting our relationship more than helping it, so I weaned her cold turkey for the second time.

Again, she was sad for a few days, but then ok. She never seemed to resent L nursing, and I always made sure to snuggle her a lot especially while nursing L. She'd ask every now and then if she could nurse, and I'd say no. She would sadly say "ok" or sometimes tell me that someday she was going to be little again and then she would nurse.

Last night she asked me to walk with her before bed. So, I held her and walked around the house and sang to her. Then she asked to nurse and I said yes. It just felt right and seemed like the connection we needed right then. Then we layed down and she looked up at me and said in the sweetest voice, "Thank you, Mama." It just melted my heart!

So, I'm back to tandem nursing. I don't know what it's going to bring. I'm much less stressed out now, so hopefully I'll be less irritable. It never felt right to wean her the way I did. She has an emotional need that needs to be met. She needs to be filled up with all the love and connection that nursing brings. I know that she won't nurse forever, so I'm going to focus on enjoying it and savoring the connection. When she's ready, she'll let it go.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Unassisted Birth

Thanks to Annalise- for posting this on her blog where I found it:

Pamamidwife is Pamela Hines-Powell. Pamela and her apprentice who is now a midwife, Lennon Clark, attended the birth of L.

I love Pamela's view of Unassisted Births! It was her faith in UC and in the female body that was the reason that I trusted her to attend L's birth. I knew that anything that she did would be because I asked her to or it really was a necessary emergency procedure. Nothing was "routine."

I wanted to have a UC with L and I told Pamela that we'd call her if we needed her. She was ok with that. We called her quite a few times during the day and a half of labor before we finally asked her and Lennon to come over. By that time I did need them. It was reassuring to have them there, not so much because of their medical training, but because of the peace and faith in the birth process that they brought with them.

It's rare to find people who have enough confidence in their skills and training, that they don't have to use them just to prove they know how.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


We went for a hike and target practice today. It was a lot of fun!

Here's me wearing both girls on the way back.

Monday, February 16, 2009

My 3 year old drinks a bottle

That's right. I'm one of those moms who lets her 3 year old walk around with a bottle in her mouth.

The same 3 year old that just quit nursing 5 months ago. The girl who WOULD NOT take a bottle of expressed breastmilk as a baby, but would instead wait 5 hours until I got home from work to nurse her. Oh, and she also wouldn't take a finger feeder, sippy cup, spoon, regular cup, or anything else that wasn't the magical, cure-all mommy boob.

I pumped some milk for L- just out of curiosity to see if she would take it just in case I ever had to go back to working outside the home part-time. Yep, no problem. She drank the milk, played with the bottle, drank some more.

Then E got ahold of it, drank the rest of the mommy-milk and then asked for water. She's been walking around with her "bottle-water" or "wottle-battle" ever since, and asking me to snuggle her and "drink me" (as opposed to "feed me") with it. I never thought I'd be holding a bottle for this kid- it's so weird and just crazy ironic.

Friday, February 13, 2009

I'm Not a Christian

"WHAT?!" you may be thinking. If you know me or have even read my profile you know that I am a Messianic Christian. At least, that's what I'm calling myself for lack of a better term. But when I compare myself to mainstream, American, church attending Christians, the term just doesn't feel very accurate. Most of them celebrate Christmas and Easter and I don't. Many are very wrapped up in this man-made version of The Church, that I don't believe looks anything like the way Yeshua intended. Most are conservative Republicans, even if they don't agree with the party platform, because Republican is almost as much a religion as Christianity.

There's that word- Religion. Obviously, I'm painting broad stroke stereotypes and I'm well aware that they don't hold true for every person who calls themselves a Christian. However, this is the image that seems to be conjured up at the very mention of the word "Christian." It's all about Religion, gettin' religion, havin' a revival, hallelueah! Who can be more religious, build a bigger church, have a bigger congregation, control the political arena, other people's lives, and even other countries, in the name of God, amen!

Now, I'm really not critisizing my brothers and sisters in Yeshua. Not every church is like this and certainly not every individual Christian thinks this way. Most would agree that it's our relationship with Jesus that matters, and the rest is fluff. I'm just pointing out that this is the way non-Christians see us, and they didn't pull this image out of nowhere.

I'm actually quite embarrassed to call myself a Christian, given the less than stellar reputation Christians seem to have. Most often I'm embarrassed when I tell someone I'm a Christian, and it causes them to have a flash-back to their childhood where they recall getting beat with a belt in the name of God. Some non-Christians immediately think of people holding signs that say "God hates you. You're going to Hell." If the person worked in a restaurant they are sure to have experienced the Christians who don't tip on Sundays, but leave a tract instead.

Most people are reasonable enough to recognize that not all Christians have the same beliefs about... well... anything outside of this general "beliving in the Bible" and those details are hotly debated. They recognize that we're all failible human beings regardless of title or affiliation. It still breaks my heart though, that the very word "Christian" can build up more walls between two people than it breaks down. Certainly not what Yeshua wants.

So, what to call myself? I'd prefer not to title it at all. What *it* is, is a relationship between myself and Yeshua with the Bible as a guide, a history, a revelation, a glimpse into the heart of Elohim. How can a word describe a relationship?

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Toddler Wearing

I really enjoy wearing E. Tonight we went for a walk- well, I walked and I wore her in the Ergo on my back. It's nice to connect with her that way after a long day. We looked at the stars and the moon, and talked about the day. I rubbed her feet and she fell asleep. It's so cozy and warm having her snuggled against my back. She tucks her little arms in so they don't dangle, and hunkers down.

I walked over a mile at a pretty good pace. For now, I can carry her that far pretty easily, though I was sweating by the time I got home. I'm going to miss wearing her when she gets too big.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Sleeping on Daddy

Aren't they cute!

Standing Up

L is pulling herself up! She's only 6 months old and has only been crawling for a few weeks. She was standing up here for about 5 minutes, and last night she cruised half the distance of the couch.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Green Smoothie for Baby

I was planning on doing baby-led solids with L, and I was totally ok with her not eating any solids until a year old. For the last few weeks she's been grabbing at my food, though. So, I've been giving her anything that I'm eating that's soft enough for her to eat. She's had banana, avocado, beans, and loves to suck the juice out of orange slices. Seriously, the oranges are like baby crack. She goes nuts over them and gets really mad if we take them away.

This morning I had a green smoothie with celery, spinach, pineapple, and banana. She kept grabbing at my cup, so I set her in E's seat and spoon fed her a little bit. I don't know if this really counts as baby-led, but whatever. I'm not doing cereal or food in jars or trying to feed her any certain amount each day. I'll just keep giving her whatever I'm eating that's soft enough for her or as she gets older I'll chew things up for her. In this case, the blender chewed it up.

Body Art

E had a blast with the markers today! It's fun watching her experiment.

Living Torah and Grace

I've been trying to observe Shabbot and make it a "set-apart" day. I really focused on getting everything done by Friday this week, so that I could just relax. On the weeks that I am able to do this, it really does make life less stressful. It becomes a day I can look forward to. Last night Ezabella and I put on some worship music and danced. I also lit 3 candles for YHVH, Yeshua, and the Holy Spirit. I read a Psalm to Ezabella, and then read more on my own. We prayed and I felt at peace.

Today was a little more hectic, as we went to our Garden Co-op meeting. I'm trying to not do those things on Shabbot, but that's the only time that works for everyone else to meet.

In learning about the Hebrew roots and bringing what I learn into my life, I'm trying to balance to two things- legalism and grace. Thanks to YHVH's sending Yeshua, and my relationship with him, I am saved. I know that my works or lack of works do not affect my salvation. However, because of my relationship with Him, I have a desire to do as He commands. Several things have been on my heart lately- Shabbot and Debarim (Deuteronomy) 6:6-7.

"And these Words which I am commanding you today shall be in your heart, and you shall impress them upon your children, and shall speak of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up..."

I love this verse because it says so much with so few words. It's about *living* Torah and grace, and not putting our faith in a box. It's about being present and in the moment with my children- sitting with them, walking with them, lying down and rising up with them. Letting them see my relationship with Yeshua, just as they see the rest of my life. So, while I'm trying to make Shabbot a set-apart day, I also want to be careful not to be a "Saturday Christian," especially in the eyes of my children as they get older.