L will be 4 next week, but she's still my baby. She's still nursing, though not very much. Most days she only nurses once a day for a few minutes, and some days she doesn't nurse at all. I've been feeling conflicted about weaning her. On one hand, I've been nursing babies for 6.5 years straight, I'm tandem nursing for the second time, and my boobs are flat out tired. She's nursing so infrequently now, that I know she'd be ok with stopping. On the other hand, she's nursing so infrequently that I think it wouldn't really take much of my time or energy to continue.
I told her that her 4th birthday will be her weaning party as well. She seemed a little excited about that, saying she was a big girl and didn't need nursies anymore. But she still asks to nurse, and I know she feels special when I tell Z to share nursies, because L is still my baby too.
Tonight, L nursed to sleep in my lap on the couch. She was snuggled under the blanket, and she looked so small that E even asked "Is that Z or L?" when all she could see were wisps of blond hair poking out.
Nursing toddlers and preschoolers is a funny thing sometimes. With an infant, it's easy for me to remember that I am her only or at least primary source of nourishment. Even when she bites, or wants to nurse all day, or tries to turn around and look at all the things distracting her with my nipple still in her mouth, there is a strong connection between us that makes it all ok. With a 2 or 3 or 4 year old.... well, sometimes I want to rip my boobs off and throw them across the room. The need, because it's no longer primary physical, is easier to forget.
For the child though, it's such a strong source of comfort. It's the perfect act of unconditional love. It is her safe haven.
When I can slow down and tap into that, when I can allow myself to connect with what she is feeling, it's the most powerful bond in the world. I'm not a very naturally nurturing person. I actually have to work really hard to proactively bond with my kids. But in that moment of nursing her to sleep, feeling her breath on my skin and her heartbeat, seeing her little fingers run through her soft blond hair, it's perfect unity between us. Everything is understood, everything is peaceful, everything is right. It's simultaneously an incredibly nurturing and incredibly powerful feeling. Powerful, because the feeling of protectiveness becomes so strong that heaven help the person who ever dared hurt my baby.
I will miss nursing L. As right as it is, however, for her to have nursed as long as she has, it is also right that she now a take another step into growing bigger. I pray that the bitter sweet memories of weaning her stay with me, to remind me not to ever push her to grow faster than she is ready. She might not nurse for much longer, but she will always be my baby.
Showing posts with label nursing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nursing. Show all posts
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Monday, October 26, 2009
Typical Day
I haven't written about a "typical" day for a while. I think it will be fun to look back in 10 years and see what our days were like.
So, today I slept in late because I was up late last night working on my ezine (which is almost done!). D got up with the girls and made them breakfast, while I laid in bed and read my Bible. E usually likes to watch a movie when she first wakes up, and this morning she put on Shark Tales. I got up around 10:30, and she was about 20 minutes into her movie. I told her I was going to take a shower and asked if she wanted to take a bath, which she did.
After our shower/bath, she wanted to play "Don't Get Away," which is a game where I hold onto her and she tries to get away and I say "NO! Never! You'll never escape!" but of course she always does, and then I pretend to be sad that she got away, then she comes running back and we do it all over. Or sometimes she runs around me getting just close enough where I can almost grab her but I MISS. Or I pretend that I don't notice that she has escaped my arms and I go ON and ON about how she'll never get away from me, when she's already on the other side of the room. It's a great game for getting out big energy! Then L and D joined in the fun and we had a big tickle fight.
Then I offered to read some books to her, and she said that she wanted to read them to me. So, I suggested one of her "easy reader" type books with big, simple words that I could help her sound out, but she wasn't interested in those. She wanted to read A Snack for Phillip, so we did. She asked me to help her sound out the words on the cover, and then a few words on the first page. Then she wanted me to read a page to her and then she would "read" it after me. She started doing this a week or two ago. It's funny because when I first told people that we were going to be unschooling, someone asked me "so are you just going to wait and hope that some day she says 'hey mom, teach me to read'?" and I said, no, I think it will be a process of slowly picking up on words and sounds and making connections as we go through a word-filled life. I'm totally ok with her not reading until she's 8 or 10 or whatever, but here she is at 3 saying "mom, show me how to read." LOL
So, when she was done trying to read, I read a few books to her and then put on some music. E and L danced while I cleaned up the house. E's been asking for ballet lessons, and I'm not sure how I'm going to swing that financially, but we'll figure something out. Maybe not ballet exactly, but some kind of dance.
Then E fed her rat, and talked to it and both girls watched it. E got out a book about rats that we had gotten from the library and looked at the pictures. Then she wanted to play on the computer, so I set her up with the paint program. When she was done with that, she asked to type and did that for a while. Then she played uptoten.com. She printed a coloring page out and I helped her and L get set up at the table with paper and crayons.
I have a "strew basket" that I put new things in and rotate old games and puzzles and things. While they were coloring, I put the basket out on the table. E noticed her memory game and pipe cleaners and played with those for a while.
I made stir fry for lunch, and E ate just the broccoli and then asked for more. When we prayed, we talked a little bit about Yahweh being God's name. This is a little confusing for her still, because we use "God" and "Jesus" around most people, because they wouldn't know what we're talking about if we said Yahweh and Yeshua. But at home we use their real names, when I remember, since I'm so entrenched in the habit of saying God and Jesus after a life time of Christian church.
Not long after lunch, she told me she was tired and asked me to lay down and nurse her. So, we all laid down for a while. L fell asleep, but E got up and D put on Open Season for her while I read some of my book. I got up after 15 or 20 minutes and then E wanted to play Don't Get Away again, so we did. Then she wanted to hold her rat and watch Little Mermaid. While she did that, I did yoga and we talked about that movie and the rat. The rat fell asleep in it's box and E covered it up with a blanket- so cute!
Little Mermaid barely made it past the previews before D asked E if she wanted to go outside with him. So she played outside while he worked, and I got some work in the office done. When they came inside, E and L played together for a long time, then E took another bath.
The evening crankiness came and went without too much fuss tonight. She's at a point where she usually doesn't take a nap, unless she falls asleep in the car. But in the evening she gets cranky. When I remember that tireness is the reason for it, and don't get bent out of shape myself, it goes pretty smoothly. I laid down with her and nursed her, and then she felt better. I still had office work to do, so D played with the girls for a while.
Then we made a late night decision to go get a redbox movie. I thought the girls would fall asleep in the car, but they didn't. We got The Tale of Desperoux and it was pretty good. I think it's based of a classic book, so now I want to find out for sure and read it. After the movie, D and already sleeping L went to bed, I got on the computer and E watched a few minutes of a Dr. Suess movie before falling asleep in the living room.
All in all, a wonderful day! I wish I would have gotten myself outside though. I need to make sure to go out for a long time tomorrow. I get cranky if I'm inside too many days in a row. I wonder what tomorrow will bring....
So, today I slept in late because I was up late last night working on my ezine (which is almost done!). D got up with the girls and made them breakfast, while I laid in bed and read my Bible. E usually likes to watch a movie when she first wakes up, and this morning she put on Shark Tales. I got up around 10:30, and she was about 20 minutes into her movie. I told her I was going to take a shower and asked if she wanted to take a bath, which she did.
After our shower/bath, she wanted to play "Don't Get Away," which is a game where I hold onto her and she tries to get away and I say "NO! Never! You'll never escape!" but of course she always does, and then I pretend to be sad that she got away, then she comes running back and we do it all over. Or sometimes she runs around me getting just close enough where I can almost grab her but I MISS. Or I pretend that I don't notice that she has escaped my arms and I go ON and ON about how she'll never get away from me, when she's already on the other side of the room. It's a great game for getting out big energy! Then L and D joined in the fun and we had a big tickle fight.
Then I offered to read some books to her, and she said that she wanted to read them to me. So, I suggested one of her "easy reader" type books with big, simple words that I could help her sound out, but she wasn't interested in those. She wanted to read A Snack for Phillip, so we did. She asked me to help her sound out the words on the cover, and then a few words on the first page. Then she wanted me to read a page to her and then she would "read" it after me. She started doing this a week or two ago. It's funny because when I first told people that we were going to be unschooling, someone asked me "so are you just going to wait and hope that some day she says 'hey mom, teach me to read'?" and I said, no, I think it will be a process of slowly picking up on words and sounds and making connections as we go through a word-filled life. I'm totally ok with her not reading until she's 8 or 10 or whatever, but here she is at 3 saying "mom, show me how to read." LOL
So, when she was done trying to read, I read a few books to her and then put on some music. E and L danced while I cleaned up the house. E's been asking for ballet lessons, and I'm not sure how I'm going to swing that financially, but we'll figure something out. Maybe not ballet exactly, but some kind of dance.
Then E fed her rat, and talked to it and both girls watched it. E got out a book about rats that we had gotten from the library and looked at the pictures. Then she wanted to play on the computer, so I set her up with the paint program. When she was done with that, she asked to type and did that for a while. Then she played uptoten.com. She printed a coloring page out and I helped her and L get set up at the table with paper and crayons.
I have a "strew basket" that I put new things in and rotate old games and puzzles and things. While they were coloring, I put the basket out on the table. E noticed her memory game and pipe cleaners and played with those for a while.
I made stir fry for lunch, and E ate just the broccoli and then asked for more. When we prayed, we talked a little bit about Yahweh being God's name. This is a little confusing for her still, because we use "God" and "Jesus" around most people, because they wouldn't know what we're talking about if we said Yahweh and Yeshua. But at home we use their real names, when I remember, since I'm so entrenched in the habit of saying God and Jesus after a life time of Christian church.
Not long after lunch, she told me she was tired and asked me to lay down and nurse her. So, we all laid down for a while. L fell asleep, but E got up and D put on Open Season for her while I read some of my book. I got up after 15 or 20 minutes and then E wanted to play Don't Get Away again, so we did. Then she wanted to hold her rat and watch Little Mermaid. While she did that, I did yoga and we talked about that movie and the rat. The rat fell asleep in it's box and E covered it up with a blanket- so cute!
Little Mermaid barely made it past the previews before D asked E if she wanted to go outside with him. So she played outside while he worked, and I got some work in the office done. When they came inside, E and L played together for a long time, then E took another bath.
The evening crankiness came and went without too much fuss tonight. She's at a point where she usually doesn't take a nap, unless she falls asleep in the car. But in the evening she gets cranky. When I remember that tireness is the reason for it, and don't get bent out of shape myself, it goes pretty smoothly. I laid down with her and nursed her, and then she felt better. I still had office work to do, so D played with the girls for a while.
Then we made a late night decision to go get a redbox movie. I thought the girls would fall asleep in the car, but they didn't. We got The Tale of Desperoux and it was pretty good. I think it's based of a classic book, so now I want to find out for sure and read it. After the movie, D and already sleeping L went to bed, I got on the computer and E watched a few minutes of a Dr. Suess movie before falling asleep in the living room.
All in all, a wonderful day! I wish I would have gotten myself outside though. I need to make sure to go out for a long time tomorrow. I get cranky if I'm inside too many days in a row. I wonder what tomorrow will bring....
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tandem Nursing Again
The saga continues.....
I weaned E at just over 2 years old. I was a few months pregnant, my nipples really hurt, and I didn't want to tandem nurse when the baby was born. It was a really hard day or two full of her screaming and crying "I WANT TO NURSE!" It was so sad! But after a few days she was ok. She would ask now and then, but it wasn't so bad when I said no. After 5 months, I thought she had forgotten all about it, but then she asked to nurse one day out of the blue.
It was a few weeks before L was born, my boobs weren't so sore, and I was ok with the idea of tandem nursing, so I said yes. I was also regretting weaning E, because she was still so little. So she nursed for a few weeks before L was born and a few months after. It really helped with the transition to the new baby. They nursed together and held hands and it was so sweet!
But it was also hard. I was really stressed out about unemployment and moving and finances. I started to get touched out, and E was driving me up the wall with her grabby hands. I limited nursing to nap time and night time, so she'd say that she was tired and wanted a nap, just to nurse. I got resentful and angry. Finally, I felt like nursing was hurting our relationship more than helping it, so I weaned her cold turkey for the second time.
Again, she was sad for a few days, but then ok. She never seemed to resent L nursing, and I always made sure to snuggle her a lot especially while nursing L. She'd ask every now and then if she could nurse, and I'd say no. She would sadly say "ok" or sometimes tell me that someday she was going to be little again and then she would nurse.
Last night she asked me to walk with her before bed. So, I held her and walked around the house and sang to her. Then she asked to nurse and I said yes. It just felt right and seemed like the connection we needed right then. Then we layed down and she looked up at me and said in the sweetest voice, "Thank you, Mama." It just melted my heart!
So, I'm back to tandem nursing. I don't know what it's going to bring. I'm much less stressed out now, so hopefully I'll be less irritable. It never felt right to wean her the way I did. She has an emotional need that needs to be met. She needs to be filled up with all the love and connection that nursing brings. I know that she won't nurse forever, so I'm going to focus on enjoying it and savoring the connection. When she's ready, she'll let it go.
I weaned E at just over 2 years old. I was a few months pregnant, my nipples really hurt, and I didn't want to tandem nurse when the baby was born. It was a really hard day or two full of her screaming and crying "I WANT TO NURSE!" It was so sad! But after a few days she was ok. She would ask now and then, but it wasn't so bad when I said no. After 5 months, I thought she had forgotten all about it, but then she asked to nurse one day out of the blue.
It was a few weeks before L was born, my boobs weren't so sore, and I was ok with the idea of tandem nursing, so I said yes. I was also regretting weaning E, because she was still so little. So she nursed for a few weeks before L was born and a few months after. It really helped with the transition to the new baby. They nursed together and held hands and it was so sweet!
But it was also hard. I was really stressed out about unemployment and moving and finances. I started to get touched out, and E was driving me up the wall with her grabby hands. I limited nursing to nap time and night time, so she'd say that she was tired and wanted a nap, just to nurse. I got resentful and angry. Finally, I felt like nursing was hurting our relationship more than helping it, so I weaned her cold turkey for the second time.
Again, she was sad for a few days, but then ok. She never seemed to resent L nursing, and I always made sure to snuggle her a lot especially while nursing L. She'd ask every now and then if she could nurse, and I'd say no. She would sadly say "ok" or sometimes tell me that someday she was going to be little again and then she would nurse.
Last night she asked me to walk with her before bed. So, I held her and walked around the house and sang to her. Then she asked to nurse and I said yes. It just felt right and seemed like the connection we needed right then. Then we layed down and she looked up at me and said in the sweetest voice, "Thank you, Mama." It just melted my heart!
So, I'm back to tandem nursing. I don't know what it's going to bring. I'm much less stressed out now, so hopefully I'll be less irritable. It never felt right to wean her the way I did. She has an emotional need that needs to be met. She needs to be filled up with all the love and connection that nursing brings. I know that she won't nurse forever, so I'm going to focus on enjoying it and savoring the connection. When she's ready, she'll let it go.
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