Something that happened at our home school group today made me think of Bill Nye's recent comment to a home schooling mom who asked him to create a science curriculum.
He responded:
"Use your judgment. The rest of us out here, want your kids to appreciate
society and the importance of working together in school and in life. A
person working alone will probably not build the future 797 airplane,
for example. It takes people who can work with and around people. Carry
on."
Today we had 13 kids playing outside together while us moms sat inside and talked and watched out the window. The kids ranged from 2 to 13 years old. They spent over an hour taking Interlocking Foam Floor Mats and building boxes and things to play in. Then they worked together to use all the mats to create a maze that they could crawl through, and organized games and races through the maze. All cooperatively, with no arguing, with no parental input, big kids helping the little kids, and since this is a newly formed group, most of them haven't even known each other that long.
Mr. Nye, I happen to think that in 15 years or so, this group would have no problem building a 797 airplane. Your arrogance and ignorance are astounding.
Unfortunately, you're not alone. We had to leave our home school group early so we could get to one of the kids' doctor's appointments, at which the doctor wanted to make sure my 3 year old was getting enough play with other kids since she doesn't attend preschool. Does anyone see the irony there?
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Reading, Freak Outs and Playing with Words
Around the time that E turned 8, I experienced this weird dip in my confidence about how we are doing things. Having been applying unschooling principles since she was 2, I've seen such a huge amount of natural learning and proof of how well unschooling works in those 6 years. So, normally, the occasional, mild bit of nervousness just because this is my oldest child and it's all new, is easily relieved by seeing how much they are learning, comparing where they are this year to last year, seeing how much they enjoy learning, and knowing that I provide a life rich with experiences and resources. However, something about her turning 8 and still not reading really well, sent me on a downward spiral.
I mostly kept it to myself, but I had the occasional moment of pushing, "You can read that," when she asked me to read something to her, or "Just try to sound it out one more time," after she had tried and was clearly frustrated.
Then in January I had a freak out about her not knowing how to spell her last name. Her first name is 8 letters and she could spell it and write it at 4 years old. Her last name is 8 letters, but for some reason she was stuck in learning how to spell it.
I have to admit that the worst part is that it's not that I believe that it really matters in the long run for *her* if she learns to write it at 8 or at 12. It's that I was afraid that if we end up in some social situation where she is expected to spell it, I will look like the neglectful, failing idiot who hasn't taught her kid how to do something so basic. In my experience, the worst parenting mistakes are made when we stop looking at our kids and their needs, and start worrying more about what other people think.
So I freaked out and I apologized. She said she was feeling frustrated by it too and that she wanted to learn it, but that it was hard. So I asked if she wanted to find a way to make it fun and she did. I didn't think it would really click with this one fun thing and I reminded myself that was ok and that I *would not* push. But suddenly it just clicked and now she can spell her last name! We did a cheer leading thing where she spelled out her last name by making each letter with her body.
She wrote it about a dozen times a few days later, both just for fun and because she made some cards to give to the neighbors that say "Her Name, Pet Sitting, Phone Number."
After that, I made sure I gave her lots of space regarding reading. I went back to what I've always done- read things for her, anything she asks me to, suggest that she try occasionally, but not push at all if she doesn't want to, fill her life with words and print, but not make them the be all-end all of learning.
And she went back to doing what she does. Days of no attempts at reading or writing, then a day of reading a few pages or writing a whole list. Days of not wanting me to read anything to her and then a day of having me read her a half a dozen books (though mostly she's been far less interested in books this last year or so, then in years past). Days where she can't remember how to read words she's read a dozen times, and then suddenly reads a word she's never seen before.
Then a few days ago, we were watching L play a computer game and E pointed to a button L was about to click on and said, "That says 'See More.'" I asked her how she knew that and if she had sounded it out. She said no, she just knew. Then she asked me to write down more words for her to figure out.
Since she had just read "see," I wrote down "bee, tree, free," and since she had just read "more," I wrote down "sore, tore, pore, more, fore, lore." She read them all easily.
Then she wanted to sound out a word to write down herself, and this is where it has gotten tricky in the past. She always seems to pick words that don't follow phonetic rules. Then she tries to sound them out, and I gently, regretfully, tell her this is one of English's dumb words that doesn't make any sense, she gets frustrated and gives up.
So, this time she picked "Lloyd." Yes, really. Of all the words to try to sound out. She gave it a valiant effort, but didn't even come remotely close (and seriously, who would know that if you don't know that?!). But when I told her it was another weird word in our language, she didn't mind one bit this time!
Next she tried "pet." Much easier! Though it still took a few tries, because she was pronouncing it "pep." But after I distinctly sounded out each letter for her, she got it.
Which leads into what I believe to be her biggest reading challenge. She seems to have a hard time grasping the concept of phonetics and especially blending sounds. She has an easier time memorizing whole words, which I've read is more of a right-brained way of learning to read.
I've seen other unschooling moms describe this as their child "collecting words," which is what she seems to be doing. It takes these kids longer to learn, because they need to be exposed to enough words over enough years to memorize or "collect" enough to read a book. But once they get to that point, they excel. Of course, they eventually pick up some phonics in the process, but they will mostly be sight-readers their whole lives.
However she eventually masters it, the way she was playing with words the other night solidified for me once again why we are doing things the way we are doing them. We spent a long time sounding out words, working together and playing with words, and she was having fun the whole time.
It would be so, SO easy to ruin her love of learning by pushing her to read. There is no guarantee that any method we used would have her reading any earlier than she is, but I can just about guarantee that the stress, tears, and frustration caused by pushing, cajoling, or bribing would leave her hating reading all together.
Instead, she has the freedom to pick it up and set it down. Play with words when it suits her, and then let them lie while her mind mulls over other things. Connect the dots in her own way and add to her word collection at her own pace.
Freak out over. Confidence returned.
I mostly kept it to myself, but I had the occasional moment of pushing, "You can read that," when she asked me to read something to her, or "Just try to sound it out one more time," after she had tried and was clearly frustrated.
Then in January I had a freak out about her not knowing how to spell her last name. Her first name is 8 letters and she could spell it and write it at 4 years old. Her last name is 8 letters, but for some reason she was stuck in learning how to spell it.
I have to admit that the worst part is that it's not that I believe that it really matters in the long run for *her* if she learns to write it at 8 or at 12. It's that I was afraid that if we end up in some social situation where she is expected to spell it, I will look like the neglectful, failing idiot who hasn't taught her kid how to do something so basic. In my experience, the worst parenting mistakes are made when we stop looking at our kids and their needs, and start worrying more about what other people think.
So I freaked out and I apologized. She said she was feeling frustrated by it too and that she wanted to learn it, but that it was hard. So I asked if she wanted to find a way to make it fun and she did. I didn't think it would really click with this one fun thing and I reminded myself that was ok and that I *would not* push. But suddenly it just clicked and now she can spell her last name! We did a cheer leading thing where she spelled out her last name by making each letter with her body.
She wrote it about a dozen times a few days later, both just for fun and because she made some cards to give to the neighbors that say "Her Name, Pet Sitting, Phone Number."
After that, I made sure I gave her lots of space regarding reading. I went back to what I've always done- read things for her, anything she asks me to, suggest that she try occasionally, but not push at all if she doesn't want to, fill her life with words and print, but not make them the be all-end all of learning.
And she went back to doing what she does. Days of no attempts at reading or writing, then a day of reading a few pages or writing a whole list. Days of not wanting me to read anything to her and then a day of having me read her a half a dozen books (though mostly she's been far less interested in books this last year or so, then in years past). Days where she can't remember how to read words she's read a dozen times, and then suddenly reads a word she's never seen before.
Then a few days ago, we were watching L play a computer game and E pointed to a button L was about to click on and said, "That says 'See More.'" I asked her how she knew that and if she had sounded it out. She said no, she just knew. Then she asked me to write down more words for her to figure out.
Since she had just read "see," I wrote down "bee, tree, free," and since she had just read "more," I wrote down "sore, tore, pore, more, fore, lore." She read them all easily.
Then she wanted to sound out a word to write down herself, and this is where it has gotten tricky in the past. She always seems to pick words that don't follow phonetic rules. Then she tries to sound them out, and I gently, regretfully, tell her this is one of English's dumb words that doesn't make any sense, she gets frustrated and gives up.
So, this time she picked "Lloyd." Yes, really. Of all the words to try to sound out. She gave it a valiant effort, but didn't even come remotely close (and seriously, who would know that if you don't know that?!). But when I told her it was another weird word in our language, she didn't mind one bit this time!
Next she tried "pet." Much easier! Though it still took a few tries, because she was pronouncing it "pep." But after I distinctly sounded out each letter for her, she got it.
Which leads into what I believe to be her biggest reading challenge. She seems to have a hard time grasping the concept of phonetics and especially blending sounds. She has an easier time memorizing whole words, which I've read is more of a right-brained way of learning to read.
I've seen other unschooling moms describe this as their child "collecting words," which is what she seems to be doing. It takes these kids longer to learn, because they need to be exposed to enough words over enough years to memorize or "collect" enough to read a book. But once they get to that point, they excel. Of course, they eventually pick up some phonics in the process, but they will mostly be sight-readers their whole lives.
However she eventually masters it, the way she was playing with words the other night solidified for me once again why we are doing things the way we are doing them. We spent a long time sounding out words, working together and playing with words, and she was having fun the whole time.
It would be so, SO easy to ruin her love of learning by pushing her to read. There is no guarantee that any method we used would have her reading any earlier than she is, but I can just about guarantee that the stress, tears, and frustration caused by pushing, cajoling, or bribing would leave her hating reading all together.
Instead, she has the freedom to pick it up and set it down. Play with words when it suits her, and then let them lie while her mind mulls over other things. Connect the dots in her own way and add to her word collection at her own pace.
Freak out over. Confidence returned.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Clay and Embroidery
The girls have been making lots of things with home made play dough and clay lately. They have a lot of fun making the play dough, for which I use this recipe for cooked playdough.
These are the most recent creations made with clay:
E made a doll complete with a dress, a hat, hair, and jewelry. It's hard to see what L made, because it's blurry (D's phone has a terrible lag time when taking pictures), but it is a turtle.
L asked to learn to sew a few months ago, and we've made doll clothes and pillows. Then she wanted to make a teddy bear, and we're about 70% done with that. I don't know much about sewing, so I'm learning as I go so I can help them. The other day, I pulled out the very limited embroidery supplies that I have. E made a person, L made a window, and Z got the hang of going in and out without tangling up the thread.
These are the most recent creations made with clay:
E made a doll complete with a dress, a hat, hair, and jewelry. It's hard to see what L made, because it's blurry (D's phone has a terrible lag time when taking pictures), but it is a turtle.
L asked to learn to sew a few months ago, and we've made doll clothes and pillows. Then she wanted to make a teddy bear, and we're about 70% done with that. I don't know much about sewing, so I'm learning as I go so I can help them. The other day, I pulled out the very limited embroidery supplies that I have. E made a person, L made a window, and Z got the hang of going in and out without tangling up the thread.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Co-sleeping: What If They Sleep With You FOREVER?!
I've written a few things about sleep over the years, but as I'm looking through the archives, I seem to have written mostly about what we do instead of bedtimes and not much on co-sleeping.
We have always coslept with the kids. From the day E was born, her bassinet became a clothes basket and she slept on my chest. When she was two and I was pregnant with L, we wanted to prepare her for the baby's birth by getting her out of our bed before L was born. So we started doing a routine before bed, and I would lay down with her in her bed and nurse her to sleep. Sometimes this took an hour! Then I'd sneak away and she'd wake up not long after. It became a source of frustration for all of us, and we decided that she was clearly telling us that she was not ready to be in her own bed. So she came back to our bed, and when L was born we slept with both of them.
After a while, we put both beds in our room. We had a king and a twin pushed up against each other, so we all had enough room. Then Z was born. Right after Z was born, we moved and got new beds. We have had a double and a bunk bed pushed together for the last few years.
Technically, the top bunk has been E's and the bottom bunk has been L's. In reality, we've had all combinations of sleeping arrangements depending on the night. D has often taken the couch, both because he finds it more comfortable than our bed, because he likes falling asleep to the noise of the tv, and because the kids want to sleep with me. Four people in a double bed is not comfortable though, so I often move one or two of them to the bottom bunk after they fall asleep. Or one of them falls asleep with D on the couch. Or I move to the couch with D after they are asleep. Or D and I sleep on the bottom bunk until Z wakes up wanting to nurse. In other words, we get creative!
Then for the last few months, E has started wanting to sleep in her own bed. I can't say exactly when this happened, but somewhere around 7.5 years old. Yes, that's right, she bedshared that long. Shocking in western cultures, but completely normal in many, if not most, parts of the world, for most of history. All of a sudden, she was just ready to have her own space. She would still fall asleep with me sometimes, but instead of moving her to the bottom bunk, I was able to start just nudging her awake and telling her to climb up into her own bed.
We are waiting on the possibility of being able to move into a new house. This will give us more bedrooms and allow E and L to have their own rooms. E has been really excited about this and wanting to prepare herself for sleeping in her own room. So she started sleeping in their room (which is used as a play room) on their couch. She told us she was ready to have her own bed in there. After a few successful nights, we agreed to move it and we did that today.
She's so excited! I tucked her in tonight with her night light and some books. L laid with her for a while, but then came back to bed with me. It remains to be seen if this is truly a permanent move for E, but I'm pretty sure it is. She's getting older and needs her own space.
So if you're cosleeping and getting flack from people about it, just tell them that you're 100% sure the kid won't be sleeping with you by the time they go off to college. If you're feeling cheeky. Otherwise, tell them to mind their own damn business. Parenting doesn't stop at 8pm. Kids still need us at night and sometimes all they need is to be able to reach their hand out and know that we are there. That doesn't last forever. They grow and change and THEY recognize their own needs for space without being pushed into it.
Oh and the big question that seems to concern amusing numbers of people..... "Where do you have sex if the kids are in your bed?" Seriously? If you can't imagine other places in the house to have sex, you really need to spice up your sex life. If it's a surface you can sit on or lay on, you can have sex on it. It's not complicated, people.
We have always coslept with the kids. From the day E was born, her bassinet became a clothes basket and she slept on my chest. When she was two and I was pregnant with L, we wanted to prepare her for the baby's birth by getting her out of our bed before L was born. So we started doing a routine before bed, and I would lay down with her in her bed and nurse her to sleep. Sometimes this took an hour! Then I'd sneak away and she'd wake up not long after. It became a source of frustration for all of us, and we decided that she was clearly telling us that she was not ready to be in her own bed. So she came back to our bed, and when L was born we slept with both of them.
After a while, we put both beds in our room. We had a king and a twin pushed up against each other, so we all had enough room. Then Z was born. Right after Z was born, we moved and got new beds. We have had a double and a bunk bed pushed together for the last few years.
Technically, the top bunk has been E's and the bottom bunk has been L's. In reality, we've had all combinations of sleeping arrangements depending on the night. D has often taken the couch, both because he finds it more comfortable than our bed, because he likes falling asleep to the noise of the tv, and because the kids want to sleep with me. Four people in a double bed is not comfortable though, so I often move one or two of them to the bottom bunk after they fall asleep. Or one of them falls asleep with D on the couch. Or I move to the couch with D after they are asleep. Or D and I sleep on the bottom bunk until Z wakes up wanting to nurse. In other words, we get creative!
Then for the last few months, E has started wanting to sleep in her own bed. I can't say exactly when this happened, but somewhere around 7.5 years old. Yes, that's right, she bedshared that long. Shocking in western cultures, but completely normal in many, if not most, parts of the world, for most of history. All of a sudden, she was just ready to have her own space. She would still fall asleep with me sometimes, but instead of moving her to the bottom bunk, I was able to start just nudging her awake and telling her to climb up into her own bed.
We are waiting on the possibility of being able to move into a new house. This will give us more bedrooms and allow E and L to have their own rooms. E has been really excited about this and wanting to prepare herself for sleeping in her own room. So she started sleeping in their room (which is used as a play room) on their couch. She told us she was ready to have her own bed in there. After a few successful nights, we agreed to move it and we did that today.
She's so excited! I tucked her in tonight with her night light and some books. L laid with her for a while, but then came back to bed with me. It remains to be seen if this is truly a permanent move for E, but I'm pretty sure it is. She's getting older and needs her own space.
So if you're cosleeping and getting flack from people about it, just tell them that you're 100% sure the kid won't be sleeping with you by the time they go off to college. If you're feeling cheeky. Otherwise, tell them to mind their own damn business. Parenting doesn't stop at 8pm. Kids still need us at night and sometimes all they need is to be able to reach their hand out and know that we are there. That doesn't last forever. They grow and change and THEY recognize their own needs for space without being pushed into it.
Oh and the big question that seems to concern amusing numbers of people..... "Where do you have sex if the kids are in your bed?" Seriously? If you can't imagine other places in the house to have sex, you really need to spice up your sex life. If it's a surface you can sit on or lay on, you can have sex on it. It's not complicated, people.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Happy Birthday Z!
Z turned 3 today! She is such a fun kid! She is always saying or doing something that cracks us up, and she loves getting that reaction. When she's not passionately being funny, she's passionately expressing urgency over whatever it is she is trying to say. Which she says very well! She has a huge vocabulary, and it's so fun to see what 2/3 year olds think about, expressed so articulately.
She spends most of her days tagging along with her sisters playing whatever they are playing. They both play really well with her, including her in their games and helping her. Some of her favorite things to do are painting, drawing and playing with clay and playdough. She recently started drawing people with actual arms, legs, eyes, and mouths, instead of scribbles. She's trying to write some letters like "Z" for her name. She always asks us how to spell things, and then pretends to write down what we tell her.
She loves taking baths and helping me with dishes and laundry. She's totally figured out Netflix and is getting the hang of a few video games and computer games. She loves swinging at the park and playing in the dirt. My mom commented the other day that rock collecting must be genetic, because we all do it, and Z has started too!
Some favorite movies/shows are Tangled, Peep, and Strawberry Shortcake. Some favorite books are Llama Llama Mad at Mama, I Am Hercules and Let's Get a Pup.
Happy Birthday Baby Z!
She spends most of her days tagging along with her sisters playing whatever they are playing. They both play really well with her, including her in their games and helping her. Some of her favorite things to do are painting, drawing and playing with clay and playdough. She recently started drawing people with actual arms, legs, eyes, and mouths, instead of scribbles. She's trying to write some letters like "Z" for her name. She always asks us how to spell things, and then pretends to write down what we tell her.
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She loves taking baths and helping me with dishes and laundry. She's totally figured out Netflix and is getting the hang of a few video games and computer games. She loves swinging at the park and playing in the dirt. My mom commented the other day that rock collecting must be genetic, because we all do it, and Z has started too!
Some favorite movies/shows are Tangled, Peep, and Strawberry Shortcake. Some favorite books are Llama Llama Mad at Mama, I Am Hercules and Let's Get a Pup.
Happy Birthday Baby Z!
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