The Last Three Days

After my raw foods "Aha!" moment, I've eaten lots of raw, almost all produce the last few days, and I've been feeling great! I've been eating lots of bananas and oranges, but I've also had:

a stir fry (green beans, spinach, broccoli, carrots)
a baked potato and broccoli
a smoothie with banana, pineapple, and strawberries
a smoothie with banana, pineapple, strawberries, spinach, dates and apple
homemade, mostly raw food chocolate balls with cocoa, oatmeal (next time I'm going to use raw, ground buckwheat), raw honey, and dates. I flavored some of them with pureed strawberries, some with chopped almonds, and some with coconut. The strawberry are the best!
a small bowl of spaghetti
a peanut butter bar

Tonight we went to a party for Purim. I knew they were serving chicken and they had asked everyone to bring a side. D wanted to bring bread, cheese and dip, so I just hoped that someone else would bring a salad or something. I wasn't too worried about it though. Since I haven't made any commitment to "go raw" I didn't feel like I was going to fail or fall off the bandwagon. I decided to just enjoy myself, eat whatever was there that I wanted and try to keep in mind which things would help me meet my heart's desires of more energy and feeling good.

I was surprised how much produce was there! Someone brought a huge salad and there was also carrots, celery, cucumbers, and olives. I ate a banana and some raw chocolate balls in the car so I wouldn't be too hungry when we got there. Then for dinner, I loaded up on the salad and other veges. The chicken smelled delicious, so I went ahead and had a little piece.

Then the cookies were served..... I ate a bunch of them, I don't even know how many because I didn't bother to count. And you know what, I don't feel guilty! This is a new thing for me. I'm not glad I ate them, because I got a stomach ache and headache, but for once I'm not beating myself up. I don't feel as well tonight as I have the last few days. So this is simply a reminder to me of why I want to eat more living foods. Just a reminder. I can take it in stride and enjoy my fruit breakfast tomorrow.

I also took some time to think about why I ate those cookies. They were tasty, but not THAT amazing. So why did I have one after the other after the other? Once again, I think it came down to emotional eating. We did a Purim play where we all got dressed up like the characters, and read the parts. When the costumes came out, most of the people had a blast getting dressed up and playing around. I enjoyed watching them, while I sat and ate a cookie. When it was time for the play, some people playfully vied over the fun, silly parts. I laughed at the craziness, while I ate a cookie. During the play, a few of the people really hammed it up. I read my parts without really getting into it...... and after the play, I had another cookie.

So, what emotion was I trying to avoid? I think I was avoiding REALLY enjoying myself and having fun! How asinine is that?! I don't want to be someone I'm not and I totally get that some people just aren't the outgoing, ham it up, silly type and that's ok. But when I was in high school I took a drama class and I LOVED it. It was the thing that finally brought me out of my super shy shell and helped me to be comfortable around crowds. The best part was improv! I can be really silly and goofy, but it takes a lot to get that out of me. I enjoy being that way, but the only people who usually see that side is my kids and sometimes my husband. I'm comfortable around people in the sense that I don't feel UNcomfortable. In other words, I don't get nervous or worried about what they will think or shy. But it's rare that I'm comfortable enough around someone to be silly and goofy. In my mind, I was right there with them being a dork. In reality, I was sitting on the sidelines. Eating cookies.

So, once again, beauty from ashes. I'm glad that I was able to figure that out about myself tonight. One more thing to see, examine, and let go.