After my raw foods "Aha!" moment, I've eaten lots of raw, almost all produce the last few days, and I've been feeling great! I've been eating lots of bananas and oranges, but I've also had:
a stir fry (green beans, spinach, broccoli, carrots)
a baked potato and broccoli
a smoothie with banana, pineapple, and strawberries
a smoothie with banana, pineapple, strawberries, spinach, dates and apple
homemade, mostly raw food chocolate balls with cocoa, oatmeal (next time I'm going to use raw, ground buckwheat), raw honey, and dates. I flavored some of them with pureed strawberries, some with chopped almonds, and some with coconut. The strawberry are the best!
a small bowl of spaghetti
a peanut butter bar
Tonight we went to a party for Purim. I knew they were serving chicken and they had asked everyone to bring a side. D wanted to bring bread, cheese and dip, so I just hoped that someone else would bring a salad or something. I wasn't too worried about it though. Since I haven't made any commitment to "go raw" I didn't feel like I was going to fail or fall off the bandwagon. I decided to just enjoy myself, eat whatever was there that I wanted and try to keep in mind which things would help me meet my heart's desires of more energy and feeling good.
I was surprised how much produce was there! Someone brought a huge salad and there was also carrots, celery, cucumbers, and olives. I ate a banana and some raw chocolate balls in the car so I wouldn't be too hungry when we got there. Then for dinner, I loaded up on the salad and other veges. The chicken smelled delicious, so I went ahead and had a little piece.
Then the cookies were served..... I ate a bunch of them, I don't even know how many because I didn't bother to count. And you know what, I don't feel guilty! This is a new thing for me. I'm not glad I ate them, because I got a stomach ache and headache, but for once I'm not beating myself up. I don't feel as well tonight as I have the last few days. So this is simply a reminder to me of why I want to eat more living foods. Just a reminder. I can take it in stride and enjoy my fruit breakfast tomorrow.
I also took some time to think about why I ate those cookies. They were tasty, but not THAT amazing. So why did I have one after the other after the other? Once again, I think it came down to emotional eating. We did a Purim play where we all got dressed up like the characters, and read the parts. When the costumes came out, most of the people had a blast getting dressed up and playing around. I enjoyed watching them, while I sat and ate a cookie. When it was time for the play, some people playfully vied over the fun, silly parts. I laughed at the craziness, while I ate a cookie. During the play, a few of the people really hammed it up. I read my parts without really getting into it...... and after the play, I had another cookie.
So, what emotion was I trying to avoid? I think I was avoiding REALLY enjoying myself and having fun! How asinine is that?! I don't want to be someone I'm not and I totally get that some people just aren't the outgoing, ham it up, silly type and that's ok. But when I was in high school I took a drama class and I LOVED it. It was the thing that finally brought me out of my super shy shell and helped me to be comfortable around crowds. The best part was improv! I can be really silly and goofy, but it takes a lot to get that out of me. I enjoy being that way, but the only people who usually see that side is my kids and sometimes my husband. I'm comfortable around people in the sense that I don't feel UNcomfortable. In other words, I don't get nervous or worried about what they will think or shy. But it's rare that I'm comfortable enough around someone to be silly and goofy. In my mind, I was right there with them being a dork. In reality, I was sitting on the sidelines. Eating cookies.
So, once again, beauty from ashes. I'm glad that I was able to figure that out about myself tonight. One more thing to see, examine, and let go.
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Raw Foods and Lots of Fruit
Something finally clicked for me about raw foods. It took a few weeks (months?) and a few different things to make it stick in my brain. I'm a little dense that way! lol
A while back one of my friends who eats a raw foods diet, said that she eats something like 10 or 12 bananas a day. I thought WOW! That's a lot! Then not too long after that another one of my raw foodist friends said the same thing. Then I read on her blog how she ate 15 oranges for one meal and her husband had 25 fruits in a day. That really surprised me, so I tried to figure out why that was such a big deal to me.
I eat a LOT, so it wasn't really the amount of food that shocked me. If you know me, you might not be able to believe that my 130 pound, 5'9" self can eat an entire medium sized pizza, a whole pie, a box of cookies, or a half gallon of icecream as one meal, but if you REALLY know me, you've seen me do it. So, why did that much fruit seem so crazy?!
My friend suggested that maybe it was because of culture and habit. We just aren't used to buying fruit by the case. We just don't see it in our shopping carts and our kitchens. I thought about that, and agreed with her, that was part of it. I also realized that a lot of times, I limit myself to less fruit than I really want. I might eat 2 bananas, but then I think that there's only a few left and a week till I go grocery shopping and I should save some for the kids. Also, I tend to feel like produce is more expensive even though really it's not. Most of the produce I buy is less than $1 a pound, some of it way less. But some culturally conditioned part of my brain wants to tell me that it's expensive and special and can't be a whole meal.
I used to eat a banana or two (or whatever fruit, that's just an example) and then still feel hungry. So I'd think I needed protein and I'd eat some peanut butter or keifer or yogurt. Or something heavier and cooked. When I realized how much produce my raw friends eat it was like duh! If you're still hungry after the first 2, have 2 more! The thing that made that click was reading about the calories. Cooked food can have a LOT of calories, but no nutrition. Raw food has lots of nutrients but you need to eat more to get the same amount of calories. But the cool thing is that the more you eat, the more nutrients you get too!
The other thing was that when I tried to do a raw foods diet before, I was "committing" to it and then I'd eat something cooked and feel guilty. I'm not doing that any more! I'm not making any commitments and I'm not claiming to be "going raw." I've been reading this book called Willpower is not Enough and it makes some great points about willpower vs. heart power. The things that we try to do through willpower rarely work, because we can only grit our teeth and bear it so long. But the things that flow from our hearts desire, come easier, more naturally and stick with us because they are internalized. When I made a list of my mind's desires and my hearts desires I realized that I was trying to go raw before because of my mind. Logically, I know that eating raw is more healthy, so that's what I wanted to do. On the other hand, my heart's desire is to have lots of energy to play with my kids and follow my passions, to feel good and strong, to stop having headaches, stomach aches and allergies. So, now I want to eat the way that helps me follow the desires of my heart, which is much more sustainable.
I also have discovered over the last few months that I really use food to drown my emotions. The day I had the miscarriage, I went right to the store, bought a frozen pie and inhaled half of it. I would have eaten the rest, but my family was helping me. Combining this knowledge with the information about following my heart's desire not just my willpower, has been really helpful! Now I can approach this not as a diet issue that I need to over come with my will because of the logical reasons to eat better. Instead it's an emotional and spiritual issue- I want to eat in a a way that allows me to feel all my emotions, deal with them and turn them over to God. I want to eat in a way that allows me to follow my heart's desire of having more energy and feeling good to be a better wife, mother, and to serve God through the passions he's given me. I'm really excited about this new paradigm shift and I can't wait to see where the journey leads!
A while back one of my friends who eats a raw foods diet, said that she eats something like 10 or 12 bananas a day. I thought WOW! That's a lot! Then not too long after that another one of my raw foodist friends said the same thing. Then I read on her blog how she ate 15 oranges for one meal and her husband had 25 fruits in a day. That really surprised me, so I tried to figure out why that was such a big deal to me.
I eat a LOT, so it wasn't really the amount of food that shocked me. If you know me, you might not be able to believe that my 130 pound, 5'9" self can eat an entire medium sized pizza, a whole pie, a box of cookies, or a half gallon of icecream as one meal, but if you REALLY know me, you've seen me do it. So, why did that much fruit seem so crazy?!
My friend suggested that maybe it was because of culture and habit. We just aren't used to buying fruit by the case. We just don't see it in our shopping carts and our kitchens. I thought about that, and agreed with her, that was part of it. I also realized that a lot of times, I limit myself to less fruit than I really want. I might eat 2 bananas, but then I think that there's only a few left and a week till I go grocery shopping and I should save some for the kids. Also, I tend to feel like produce is more expensive even though really it's not. Most of the produce I buy is less than $1 a pound, some of it way less. But some culturally conditioned part of my brain wants to tell me that it's expensive and special and can't be a whole meal.
I used to eat a banana or two (or whatever fruit, that's just an example) and then still feel hungry. So I'd think I needed protein and I'd eat some peanut butter or keifer or yogurt. Or something heavier and cooked. When I realized how much produce my raw friends eat it was like duh! If you're still hungry after the first 2, have 2 more! The thing that made that click was reading about the calories. Cooked food can have a LOT of calories, but no nutrition. Raw food has lots of nutrients but you need to eat more to get the same amount of calories. But the cool thing is that the more you eat, the more nutrients you get too!
The other thing was that when I tried to do a raw foods diet before, I was "committing" to it and then I'd eat something cooked and feel guilty. I'm not doing that any more! I'm not making any commitments and I'm not claiming to be "going raw." I've been reading this book called Willpower is not Enough and it makes some great points about willpower vs. heart power. The things that we try to do through willpower rarely work, because we can only grit our teeth and bear it so long. But the things that flow from our hearts desire, come easier, more naturally and stick with us because they are internalized. When I made a list of my mind's desires and my hearts desires I realized that I was trying to go raw before because of my mind. Logically, I know that eating raw is more healthy, so that's what I wanted to do. On the other hand, my heart's desire is to have lots of energy to play with my kids and follow my passions, to feel good and strong, to stop having headaches, stomach aches and allergies. So, now I want to eat the way that helps me follow the desires of my heart, which is much more sustainable.
I also have discovered over the last few months that I really use food to drown my emotions. The day I had the miscarriage, I went right to the store, bought a frozen pie and inhaled half of it. I would have eaten the rest, but my family was helping me. Combining this knowledge with the information about following my heart's desire not just my willpower, has been really helpful! Now I can approach this not as a diet issue that I need to over come with my will because of the logical reasons to eat better. Instead it's an emotional and spiritual issue- I want to eat in a a way that allows me to feel all my emotions, deal with them and turn them over to God. I want to eat in a way that allows me to follow my heart's desire of having more energy and feeling good to be a better wife, mother, and to serve God through the passions he's given me. I'm really excited about this new paradigm shift and I can't wait to see where the journey leads!
Beauty From Ashes
I'm taking a break from the marriage study to post some other things that have been going on in my life. On the 18th I had a miscarriage. I didn't really know I was pregnant- well, I knew in my heart and my instincts. But I hadn't tested and I had slacked off on charting. I figured my late period was just due to breastfeeding making it all irregular. I knew, but I never allowed myself to say "yes, I'm pregnant" and just accept it.
So, when the miscarriage happened it took a bit of emotional juggling to adjust. First, having to accept the fact that yes, I really was pregnant and then immediately having to deal with losing the baby. At first I thought it would be pretty easy to deal with since I never got the chance to accept that I was pregnant and get attached, and since we weren't trying to get pregnant anyway. It quickly became a lot harder than I would have imagined.
I've really been on a roller coaster of emotions this last week. The most difficult thing has been the regret I have for not listening to my body, my heart and the Holy Spirit telling me that I was pregnant. Baby Joslyn lived inside me for 8 weeks, yet in that time I never acknowledged her, never told her I loved her, never put my hand to my stomach to think about her or say a prayer. So, I have regrets and also a surprisingly deep sadness at her loss.
I've been shocked to discover that people who I thought believed that life begins at conception, really don't believe that losing a baby at 8 weeks is the same as losing a baby at, say, 8 months. Though you can bet that if I had an abortion they would! I understand that it may not be the same emotionally for some women. It's like saying, "Is it hard and painful when a grandmother dies?" Well, that depends on the person and their relationship with their grandmother. Certainly it's gut wrenching for some people and other people might not even have known their grandmother. So, in the same way to say, "This is how it feels when your baby dies," won't be the same for two different mothers.
For me, even though I didn't get a chance to know Joslyn, her death has been hard on me. I've shed more tears this week then I have in the last year. I miss her and I'm sad that I won't get to see her grow.
At the same time, I feel a strange sense of peace about her death. I'm not angry about it at all. Her death brought an amazing power of healing, renewal and life to some other areas of my life. There's so much more to this than I'm willing to say on a public blog, but trust me when I say that healing and peace can come from anything, even death. YHVH had a purpose in bringing Joslyn home to him, and while I grieve my child, I'm also rejoicing at the way he has blessed me with healing. I know that I will see Joslyn someday. In the meantime, I hope she has fun playing with the angels!
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.
So, when the miscarriage happened it took a bit of emotional juggling to adjust. First, having to accept the fact that yes, I really was pregnant and then immediately having to deal with losing the baby. At first I thought it would be pretty easy to deal with since I never got the chance to accept that I was pregnant and get attached, and since we weren't trying to get pregnant anyway. It quickly became a lot harder than I would have imagined.
I've really been on a roller coaster of emotions this last week. The most difficult thing has been the regret I have for not listening to my body, my heart and the Holy Spirit telling me that I was pregnant. Baby Joslyn lived inside me for 8 weeks, yet in that time I never acknowledged her, never told her I loved her, never put my hand to my stomach to think about her or say a prayer. So, I have regrets and also a surprisingly deep sadness at her loss.
I've been shocked to discover that people who I thought believed that life begins at conception, really don't believe that losing a baby at 8 weeks is the same as losing a baby at, say, 8 months. Though you can bet that if I had an abortion they would! I understand that it may not be the same emotionally for some women. It's like saying, "Is it hard and painful when a grandmother dies?" Well, that depends on the person and their relationship with their grandmother. Certainly it's gut wrenching for some people and other people might not even have known their grandmother. So, in the same way to say, "This is how it feels when your baby dies," won't be the same for two different mothers.
For me, even though I didn't get a chance to know Joslyn, her death has been hard on me. I've shed more tears this week then I have in the last year. I miss her and I'm sad that I won't get to see her grow.
At the same time, I feel a strange sense of peace about her death. I'm not angry about it at all. Her death brought an amazing power of healing, renewal and life to some other areas of my life. There's so much more to this than I'm willing to say on a public blog, but trust me when I say that healing and peace can come from anything, even death. YHVH had a purpose in bringing Joslyn home to him, and while I grieve my child, I'm also rejoicing at the way he has blessed me with healing. I know that I will see Joslyn someday. In the meantime, I hope she has fun playing with the angels!
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.
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